


Coming Home

by impalagirl, wilddragonflying



Series: Roleplays [46]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky's got some internalized homophobia, Canon-Typical Violence, Casual bullshitting of an Accords fix, Civil War AU, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), and some not-so-typical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7601083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalagirl/pseuds/impalagirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilddragonflying/pseuds/wilddragonflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It's 20-fucking-14, and in the middle of Washington DC, the Winter Soldier stands in a museum and learns that he has a name. <i>James Buchanan Barnes</i>. It rings a bell, albeit a faint and distant one, but that's his own face staring back at him, no mistake. Apparently he was in the army, fought alongside a lot of good men, lost his life defending his country's freedom. It's a lot better than the real story, and his metal hand clenches by his side as he thinks about that, wonders just what the real story is. Some of it is coming back to him, not much, but it's enough to tell him that he needs to know more. The memorial says his childhood friend was Steve Rogers, Steve... who is now better known as Captain America.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>A few steps to the left and the Winter Soldier, <i>James</i>, comes face-to-face with the man himself. It's definitely the guy he fought; the guy he saved. The guy who <i>knew</i> him, who called him... <i>Bucky</i>. The blurb accompanying the picture means nothing to him, but he knows instinctively that he hasn't seen the last of Steve Rogers. This man will keep looking for him, and when he finds him, what?</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Will he want to help him - or will he want to kill him?</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time impalagirl and I wrote stucky, so you'll have to excuse any OOCness; we were still getting a handle on the characters.

It's 20-fucking-14, and in the middle of Washington DC, the Winter Soldier stands in a museum and learns that he has a name. _James Buchanan Barnes_. It rings a bell, albeit a faint and distant one, but that's his own face staring back at him, no mistake. Apparently he was in the army, fought alongside a lot of good men, lost his life defending his country's freedom. It's a lot better than the real story, and his metal hand clenches by his side as he thinks about that, wonders just what the real story is. Some of it is coming back to him, not much, but it's enough to tell him that he needs to know more. The memorial says his childhood friend was Steve Rogers, Steve... who is now better known as Captain America.

A few steps to the left and the Winter Soldier, _James_ , comes face-to-face with the man himself. It's definitely the guy he fought; the guy he saved. The guy who _knew_ him, who called him... _Bucky_. The blurb accompanying the picture means nothing to him, but he knows instinctively that he hasn't seen the last of Steve Rogers. This man will keep looking for him, and when he finds him, what?

Will he want to help him - or will he want to kill him?

* * *

After SHIELD implodes, Steve finds himself adrift. There's not much for him to do - but maybe that's not entirely accurate. There's too much to do, and there's not enough trustworthy agents to do it. The Avengers can only do so much; Tony built them a compound in Virginia, and people still look to the Avengers, even after everything that went down in DC(apparently stopping an alien invasion proves that you're actually the good guys who just got tricked, in most of the world's opinion). Steve and Sam do their best to track down Bucky, because Steve is determined that he's not going to leave Bucky to flounder alone in this new world; he failed Bucky once, when he couldn't find him in the Alps, and he'll be damned if he fails his best friend again.

Sam asks him once if he and Bucky were ever more than friends, and Steve honestly answers that they were brothers - but Sam sees right through that. He and Riley were brothers, too, Sam says, and Steve knows he understands what Steve can't say. Because the Bucky he loved is long gone, replaced with this broken version that they're trying to track down, and Steve doesn't know if they'll ever get back to what they almost had. 

He'll be happy to have Bucky back in any way that he can have him.

They come across whispers and scraps, mostly the leftovers from Hydra purging every last base and safehouse in the year and a half since SHIELD fell. It's not enough to try to find Bucky, barely enough to begin piecing together the Winter Soldier's history, but Steve takes whatever he can get.

Then Tony builds Ultron, Sokovia flies and then falls, and the Avengers gain two new members. Well, three - but since Vision is essentially JARVIS, Steve's not sure if he actually counts as a 'new' member. And a month after they finish helping as much as they can with rebuilding Sokovia, Steve gets a phone call in the middle of the night. He hated having to remember more numbers than necessary, so when he had officially signed off the lease of his apartment, finally officially moving into the Avenger's compound. It's odd, now that Steve has gotten used to the sounds of the city once again; the compound is almost too quiet. So he's still up, working out in the gym when the call comes through; Stark's new AI, FRIDAY, alerts him to the call.

The number is one that Steve recognizes; he's gotten several calls from the same number over the past months, and there's never been anything but silence on the end of the line. Steve's not sure why he keeps picking up, but tonight isn't the night that he hits 'ignore.' "Hello?" he asks, without any expectation of a reply.

"Steve?" is the reply, the voice obviously male, scratchy with disuse and rough with emotion.

Steve goes absolutely still, barely daring to breathe until - " _Buck_?"

A short, harsh laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is."

Steve sucks in a breath. "You've been calling me," he says, and the words might sound accusatory by themselves, but there's nothing but relief in Steve's voice; he had thought, for a while, that he actually did have some sort of creepy stalker, but to know that it's just been Bucky calling him is a bigger relief than he would have thought.

"Yeah," is the answer again. "Everyone else I ever gave a shit about is dead, so... yeah."

Steve nods, then remembers that Bucky can't see him. "Not everyone," he says, trying to keep his tone light. "Last I checked, I wasn't a ghost. And I did - do - give a shit about you."

"Good," Bucky says, and it's more of an exhale than anything. There's a pause, and then, "Steve?"

"Yeah?" Steve asks, voice gentle.

"I wanna come home."

Steve's breath catches in his chest. "You sure, Buck? I mean, I'm not in New York anymore." _I'm not even sure I really have a home,_ he wants to say, but doesn't; Bucky is reaching out to him, and he wants to do whatever it takes to let Bucky know that Steve will always be here for him.

"I know," Bucky says. "I'm not far."

"Okay," Steve says, nodding again. "Do you want me to pick you up? You know I'll have to let the other Avengers know where I'm going, and who I'm bringing back."

This time, Bucky isn't so sure. "What are they gonna do?" he asks. "I don't wanna end up back in a lab, Steve, I can't do that again."

"I won't let them do that," Steve says instantly. "And there's enough people here who have been in similar situations that would agree with me. Tony might want to poke at your arm, but I won't let him do anything without your permission."

There's another long pause, but finally, Bucky relents. "Okay."

Steve lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Okay," he repeats. "Give me half an hour to let everyone know what's going on, okay? Do you have a cell phone, can you text me the address?"

"You got a pen and paper? I'll give it to you now."

"Yeah, give me a sec," Steve says, scrambling to find a pen; after a moment of rustling around, he manages to get the required materials. "Shoot."

Bucky rattles off the address and then waits a second before adding, "If they don't want me there, it's okay. I can be gone by morning."

"Don't go jumping to the worst case," Steve says, a little desperate. "Let me talk to them first before you start making plans to run." 

"I'm always planning to run, Steve," Bucky says. "I'll see you soon."

* * *

Steve arrives at the given address in forty-five minutes; fifteen of that had been brief arguing with the other Avengers, who had finally agreed to at least give Bucky a chance. The other thirty had been travel, and Steve barely takes time to park his new bike - complete with the passenger seat that Sam had insisted on when he'd bought the thing - before he's leaping off of it, looking around frantically for Bucky. It's just gone four in the morning, and Bucky should be easy to spot - but it doesn't look like he's there. "Buck?" Steve calls, not even caring about how small his voice sounds, with the desperation giving it an edge. "You still here?"

Half a second later a figure blends out of the shadows; even with the beard and the red-rimmed eyes and the hair longer than Steve's ever seen it, his identity is unmistakable. _Bucky Barnes_.

"Bucky," Steve breathes, and he forgets himself, stumbling forward a few steps before he catches himself. "Buck. I thought maybe you'd - They agreed. To let you stay, at least for a while. No labs or anything."

Bucky nods, a short, jerky movement. "Thanks," he says. "For-- y'know."

Steve smiles. "Always, Buck." He hesitates, then jerks his head towards the bike. "You want a ride, or you planning to walk?"

Bucky just watches him. "You ain't gonna ask me how I found you? Where I've been? Nothin'?"

Steve shrugs. "I figure that can wait; it's been almost two years since DC, it can wait another day or so. Let you get a shower, sleep maybe."

Now Bucky looks thoughtful, maybe even confused. "Why do you trust me?"

"Because if you wanted to kill me, you would have done it in DC," Steve says, like it's the simplest thing in the world. It isn't, and they both know it, but they've always simplified things between them. _I'm with you till the end of the line._

Bucky seems to mull this over, but then he nods. "All right," he says. "Yeah, I want a ride."

* * *

Bucky does take a shower, and then takes the blanket off of the top of Steve's bed and curls up on the floor with it; Steve doesn't want to think about what that means, but honestly he'd had much the same reaction after first waking up from seventy years on ice; like Sam had said, his mattress was too soft. Steve leaves him to it, closing the door almost all the way, leaving only a sliver of light from the hallway. Steve passes out on the couch in his section of the compound, and is woken up around noon the next day by Natasha literally dragging him off of the couch by his ear. The supersoldier barely suppresses a yelp, but lets himself be dragged to the common room. "Okay, okay, god," he snaps, finally managing to yank himself from her hold. "Easy on the grip, there, Nat."

Natasha just gives him an unimpressed look; Sam is actually the one who speaks. "So he finally showed up."

Steve shrugs. "Yeah. Called me last night; I was in the gym. He said he wanted to come home."

"Little convenient, isn't it?" Tony asks from the doorway, his arms folded over his chest. "He just happens to be in town, just happens to know your number. How did he find us, by the way? I mean, you did ask, right?"

Steve sighs. "He's been calling for months. He never said anything, though - the phone was always silent. I thought I had a stalker, and I guess I did, but I don't believe he's here to kill us. I picked him up, let him take a shower, and he's still sleeping in my bedroom, on the floor." Sam's expression flickers into something sympathetic then, and Steve's grateful that there's at least one person he can count on to be on his side. "We didn't talk for long last night when I picked him up, in case he had people following him or people saw him."

"Because he's a wanted man!" Tony hisses. "What's the world going to do when they find out the Avengers are harbouring the Winter Soldier?"

"He's a _victim!_ " Steve protests. "He was brainwashed, probably tortured, and had no control over what he was doing!" 

"And are we sure that's over?" Tony demands. "Are we sure he hasn't been brainwashed into coming here and killing us all in our sleep?"

"He could've done that without calling Steve," Sam points out. "Stealth ops are kind of the Winter Soldier's MO." 

"You've installed this place with the most advanced AI-slash-security system ever," Steve points out. "There's no way to hack FRIDAY, is there?" 

"Of course not," Tony says, a little insulted.

"Then FRIDAY can be your eyes on Bucky," Steve says. "I'm not asking you all to trust him right away - but I'm asking you to give him a chance. He's perhaps the person Hydra's victimized the most, turning him into a weapon and violating both his mind and body." 

"You gave me a chance," Nat says, drawing everyone's gaze. "I came from the Red Room - I was an assassin, too. I was brainwashed and violated. Should I be tossed to the wolves?" 

"No, but you've proved yourself," Tony snaps. "Time and time again, but Barnes--"

"Deserves the same chance to prove himself," Natasha says. "I vote that he stays, and we keep this quiet. At least for a little while; it's been almost two years since DC, and the world isn't looking over its shoulder anymore, expecting to find the Winter Soldier's knife coming for its back. Let it stay that way a little longer while Barnes gets his chance to get himself back." 

"You know where we'll stand," Wanda adds. "We are not so different from him - we just did not kill so many people." 

"I share some of Mr. Stark's reservations," Vision chimes in, "but I agree with Captain Rogers. Mr Barnes should only be allowed to stay under certain conditions, perhaps, but he should be given a chance."

"Way I see it, Barnes is a vet who has literally been through hell and back. Man deserves a support network," Sam adds. 

Steve gave Sam a grateful smile before turning back to Tony. "Everyone deserves a second chance; if the conditions are reasonable, then I won't fight them." 

Tony hesitates, thinking. "He's not to be given access to _any_ weapons," he says at last. "He can't leave the compound at any time. If he wanders out of the private areas, it's only with company. And he has to let me take a look at that arm."

Steve expected the thing about the arm, and he refrains from pointing out that Bucky, in and of himself, is a weapon. "Deal. But he has to decide when he's comfortable letting you look at the arm."

"Fine," Tony sighs. "I suggest you go wake him up, then, find out what his story is." He nods to the others, opens the door. "We'll be around."

Steve recognizes a dismissal when he sees one, and for once he doesn't argue. "Thank you," he says, getting to his feet. "I mean it."

* * *

When Steve gets to his room, Bucky's awake, sitting on Steve's bed and running a hand over his beard like he's surprised it's there. He goes tense as soon as the door opens, his eyes darting mistrustfully to Steve's and then away again, before he sighs. "I'm guessing I wasn't supposed to hear all that."

Steve shrugs. "I would have told you it anyway," he says, leaning against his dresser. "You heard Stark's conditions?"

"Yeah." Bucky sighs, lifts his metal hand for his own and Steve's consideration. "He knows that I could kill you all without picking up so much as a butter knife, right?"

"I think so," Steve says. "We've all seen Nat work."

Bucky shakes his head, clenches his fist and brings it to rest against his thigh. "They don't trust me," he says.

Steve sighs. "I know. But they've agreed to give you a chance, Buck. You can use the chance to earn their trust."

"They're smart," Bucky says. "You used to be, too."

Steve rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah," he says, with a slight smile. "Suppose you'll just have to stick around, make sure my stupid self doesn't do anything to get myself killed."

Bucky snorts. "That's what I have been doing."

Steve is quiet for a moment. "How long have you been tailing me, then?" he asks, no accusation in his voice. 

"Since DC," Bucky answers, doesn't even think to lie. "Had some things to work out."

Steve nods; here he and Sam were thinking that Bucky had taken off, but he was right behind Steve the whole time. "Did you work them out?"

"Dunno," Bucky says. "Some of 'em. Worked enough out to figure you wouldn't kill me if I turned up on your doorstep."

"Never," Steve swears. "And I'll make sure everyone gives you a fair shot. What you did - you weren't in control."

"I know," Bucky says. "I don't know much but I know that."

Steve's smile is small, and hope begins to warm his chest. "So, you'll stay?"

Bucky's answering smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Depends what Stark wants to do to my arm."

Steve grins. "I think he just wants to get a look at the tech; it's beyond anything else we've seen, besides the stuff that literally came from outer space. But again, it's your choice as to when you let him look at it."

Bucky nods, grateful. "So what now?"

Steve shrugs. "Want some breakfast? If you're up to it, you can come with me; you're gonna meet the rest of the team sooner or later, I suppose."

A flicker of uncertainty passes over Bucky's face. "I don't know."

"That's all right," Steve says, nodding like it's no big deal that he's going to go retrieve breakfast for two. "You got anything in particular you want?"

"Whatever you're having," Bucky answers, shooting Steve an apologetic look. "I'm not too good around a lot of people."

Steve smiled. "That's fine, Buck. You've got time, now. You need help with anything, just let me know, okay?"

Bucky nods. "You got it."

* * *

Bucky doesn't leave Steve's quarters for the rest of that day, and it's not until the next day that Steve brings up meeting the other Avengers again. "I'm going to go get breakfast," he says after they've both gotten showers and gotten dressed. "You want anything? The kitchen might be deserted right now; Tony was up most of the night last night, and he always crashes hard. Nat's out visiting Clint, I think."

"Clint," Bucky says slowly. He's running his hand over his jaw again, as unused to the feeling of neatly-trimmed stubble as he apparently was to the full beard yesterday. "Hawkeye, right? Haven't seen him around for a while."

"Yeah, Hawkeye," Steve says. "He was with us in Sokovia; Pietro saved his life."

"So why isn't he here?"

"He's got a farm out in the country; his sister and her kids live out there, and he goes back and helps whenever he can," Steve explains.

Bucky nods, looking thoughtful. "What about the others?"

"Bruce hasn't resurfaced since Sokovia," Steve says, settling on the bed as he pulls on a pair of wool socks. "Thor went back to Asgard; Tony, Sam, Rhodey, and the Maximoff twins pretty much live here. No one's sure what Nat does; sometimes she leaves without telling us. I think she's still trying to find any information she can about any remaining Hydra bases or agents."

Bucky's jaw clenches. "I guess someone needs to do it."

Steve watches Bucky carefully. "Yes, someone does; Nat's the one with the best history of infiltration and intelligence of us all."

Bucky nods, but shows no sign of relaxing. "What are they like?" he asks. "The others."

"Tony's a lot like his father - like Howard. Self-confident, but in a way that seems like maybe he's covering for something. He's smart, too - a genius. Maybe smarter than Howard was. Rhodey is Tony's best friend; he pilots War Machine, the other super suit that Tony made. He's calm, logical, and helps keep Tony grounded. Sam's good; no-nonsense, but he was a soldier, too. He understands things better than the others, sometimes. The twins are good people at heart, but sometimes they act a bit odd. They were experimented on by Hydra, that's what gave them their powers. Wanda can move things as well as get in your head, make you see things. Pietro is fast; faster than bullets, and it's come in handy a lot. And Natasha... She's blunt, and it's hard to figure out if she trusts you or not. But if she trusts you, and considers you a friend, then she's loyal, and a good friend in return," Steve says thoughtfully. "Thor is... complicated. He's not even from this planet, can you imagine? Some place called Asgard; it's another realm. I think they're actually the guys that the Norse gods are based off of. And Banner is another smart one, but he's very shy, I think is the word that I would use. He's been getting along better with his other half, however, and that's really come in handy."

"Until he lost his shit in Sokovia and took off," Bucky says darkly. "Guess I can relate to that."

Steve shrugs. "Stark has FRIDAY keeping tabs on him, though she hasn't been able to pin down an exact location. When he's ready, he'll come to us."

"Guess I can relate to that, too."

Steve smiles. "Wanda and Pietro might be in the kitchen, and maybe Vision, if you want to come with me," he offers. 

Bucky sighs, nods. "Yeah, okay."

Steve blinks, thrown a bit. "Yeah?" 

"Gotta show my face sometime, right?"

"Yeah, you do," Steve admits. "But only if you feel ready." 

Bucky laughs. "Stop mothering me and let's just go, all right?"

Steve grins. "Yeah, okay," he says. "FRIDAY, will you tell anyone in the kitchen that we're coming?" 

"Of course, Captain."

Despite the warning, the two kids who must be Pietro and Wanda look surprised to see them; Vision, however, glides right over and offers Bucky his hand with a smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Barnes."

"Call me--" Bucky begins, but finds that he can't go on. He isn't Bucky, not always, not when Steve isn't looking at him; he's not James either, has never been, and he _refuses_ to be the Soldier or the Asset anymore. "Yeah," he says, shaking his head and Vision's hand. "I guess Barnes is good."

Steve doesn't comment on Bucky's stumble, just waving a hand at the two sitting at the kitchen island. "Pietro," he says, gesturing to the silver-haired boy, "and Wanda," a wave and a smile here for Pietro's twin sister, "this is James Barnes." 

Pietro gives Bucky a grin, and Wanda smiles with a slight wave. "Is good to meet you," Pietro says. "The Captain has been telling us a lot about you." 

Barnes looks uncomfortable for only an instant. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "None of it's true, probably. Unless it is."

"We will have to see, won't we?" Wanda asks with a smile. "Would you like eggs? Pietro just came back from the market." 

"Uhh." Bucky glances at Steve. "Sure."

Steve gives Bucky an encouraging smile. "I think eggs sound great; how do you want yours? Vision can't cook for shit." 

"I'm a scrambled kinda guy," Bucky answers, with a slight quirk of his mouth to show that he's aware of the double meaning.

Steve thinks he does a good job of hiding his surprise; Bucky used to always take his over-easy, but then again, that had been the point of asking instead of assuming. After everything that's happened over the last seventy years, there's bound to be some differences. "You always were," he settles on saying with a teasing grin as he moves to grab a pan and the egg carton. "Must be because of the fights I was always dragging you into."

Bucky grins back as he takes a seat at the island, on the other side to the twins. "You were such a punk," he says. "Always startin' trouble with guys twice as big as _me_ , let alone you."

"I remember the pictures of you from your younger days," Vision says, joining in the teasing with what sounds like excitement. "That would make them approximately... four times your size?"

"At least," Steve laughs. "Never could keep my mouth shut."

Wanda elbows her twin playfully. "That sounds like someone I know."

Barnes meets her gaze and manages a smile. He thinks he likes her. "So, Steve tells me you can move shit with your mind?"

Wanda grins, lifting a hand; red mist materializes around her hand, and she encourages it forward, picking up a napkin from the table and lifting it to drop into Barnes's lap. "I can do other things, too, but I'm told it is rude to spy upon a friend's mind. I would not do so to you, in any case."

Barnes' eyes widen, uncomfortable again, and he clears his throat roughly. "I appreciate it."

"I make no such promises," Pietro laughs. "I greatly enjoy tripping the other Avengers." 

Barnes shoots him a rueful smile. "I've been knocked on my ass enough times to be able to handle that, I think."

Pietro's grin turns into a smirk, and over by the stove, Steve lets himself have just this one small, private smile. "Good, because you would not be able to catch me either way," Pietro boasts.

Barnes raises his metal hand pointedly. "You wouldn't want me to."

"I survived Thor's hammer," the younger Maximoff twin says dismissively, but the slight apprehension and curiosity is easy to read on his face.

Steve decides to jump in now. "Okay, who wants bacon, and who wants sausage?"

"Both," Bucky says, no hesitation.

Steve rolls his eyes, but his expression is fond. "Everyone else?"

"Sausage for me, bacon for him," Wanda says. "The heathen likes his burnt to a crisp."

"Hey! Says the woman who wants her sausage barely warm!"

They're all eating when the kitchen door opens and Sam Wilson walks in. Bucky tenses up immediately, but Steve shaking his head and muttering something about, _Thanks for the warning, FRIDAY_ , distracts him enough that he releases some of it.

"Well," Sam says, in a self-satisfied tone that sets his teeth on edge. "Bucky Barnes finally shows his face."

Bucky grimaces, nods. His name like that sounds wrong coming out of Sam's mouth, but he supposes that's who he is to Sam, too. He accompanied Steve on enough of those ridiculous missions to find him that 'Bucky' is probably the name he's heard the most. It's better than Winter Soldier, at least.

"You look good," Sam continues. "Better than you did when I was kickin' your ass, anyway."

"Gee, thanks."

Steve rolls his eyes. "Give him a break, Sam; or did you forget he also kicked your ass?"

"Whatever," Sam says. "Is there any bacon left?"

"Ask Speed Racer over there," Steve answers, waving his fork at Pietro, who pops the last piece of burnt bacon into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

"What an asshole," Sam says, shaking his head. "What about the sausa--" Before he can even finish the sentence, Barnes has stabbed the last sausage and bitten it in half, and he shares a shit-eating grin with Pietro as he chews obnoxiously. Sam's jaw drops. "Steve!"

Steve just laughs. "You should've been here before we started eating, Sam," he says with a grin. "You know how much a supersoldier and a super-fast kid can eat; now we've got two supersoldiers here."

"You snooze, you lose," Bucky agrees easily, trying not to think about how being classed as a _supersoldier_ feels.

"It's like having Banner back all over again," Sam grumbles as he heads over to the fridge. "Guess it's toast for me."

Those gathered around the table share a grin as Sam prepares his toast. "I could go fetch some more eggs," Pietro offers. "I would be back before the gates even closed."

"That doesn't exactly sound like you'd be paying for 'em," Barnes observes conversationally, while Sam shakes his head.

"Nah, I'm used to it. Just hope that Tony doesn't wake up until lunch."

"I leave money," Pietro says indignantly. "We have an arrangement with the local farms."

"He does have a point about Tony, though," Wanda points out. "If he doesn't get his eggs if he's up before noon..."

Pietro waves a hand. "I will get them if he wakes up; he was up until three in the morning, and hadn't slept in at least a day, though. He will sleep for a long time."

"Stark does crash pretty hard," Steve admits. "I think we'll be safe."

Bucky snorts. "Sounds like his dad," he says, and then hesitates, because... The memory is gone before it has chance to take on even partial form, and he shrugs mentally; he learned long ago that the more he chases a memory, the longer it eludes him.

"Exactly like Howard," Steve agrees. "Pass the salt, would you?" 

Bucky does, and doesn't say much for the rest of the morning.

* * *

He retreats back to Steve's room once breakfast is over, having met enough new people for the day, but even so he feels like he's doing pretty well. That is, until he thrashes himself awake from a nightmare and punches the silhouetted figure looming over him without a second thought. His assailant goes down hard, and although it's in shock rather than pain, Bucky would know that grunt of surprise anywhere and then he's wide awake. “ _Steve?_ ”

" _Motherf -_ " Steve spits, before straightening and gingerly poking at his nose. "God, that's gonna take an hour or two. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have leaned over you," he adds, turning to Bucky. "I think you were having a nightmare, figured I'd wake you up." 

"Yeah," Bucky says, struggling to disentangle himself from the blanket so he can sit up. Gentle hands touch Steve's face, one warm and one cool, and tilt his head back so that Bucky can inspect the damage in the moonlight. "Jesus. I'm real sorry, Steve."

"It'll heal," Steve repeats, giving Bucky a smile. "You okay?" 

"I think so," Bucky says, the leftover fear from the nightmare and the fresh shock from hurting Steve making him more honest than he would normally be. "Yeah, I think I'm good. Thanks."

Steve hesitates for a moment, but then asks, "What was it?" 

Bucky shakes his head, looks down. "Same as it always is," he says. "People I couldn't save, before. After, people I killed. They all want a piece of me."

Steve nods in understanding. "I see them, too, sometimes," he confesses. "Even the ones from the war, who were just following the other side's orders." 

Bucky shakes his head. "I don't see them often," he admits. "Sometimes, but it's rare. We all knew what we were signing up for back then; I wouldn't have haunted anyone who gunned me down any more than I expect them to haunt me."

Steve shrugs. "Minds aren't always logical," he says with a wry grin. "You get nightmares a lot?" 

Bucky shrugs. "Sometimes," he says. "Sometimes it's memories instead, but they're not much better. Some nights are better than others, though."

"Yeah, I get that," Steve says, because he does. He may have been out of the ice for several years now, but he's never left the war, feels like. "Is that what made you call me?" he asks, voice gentle. Not pushing, just asking without expectation of an answer. 

But he gets one. "Something like that," Bucky says. "I was tired of running, of remembering. Of bein' alone. You're the only person left alive who could ever understand, and I--" He laughs, no more than a sharp exhalation of breath. "I missed you."

Steve's answering smile is a bit sad. "I missed you, too," he says, carefully reaching up to lay a hand on Bucky's shoulder, squeezing lightly. "I can't understand everything, Buck, but I'll do my best to, okay? And if nothing else, I can listen."

Bucky shakes his head. "I don't expect you to understand everything," he says. "Just--" He smiles, glances up at Steve. "The internet, man. What the fuck?"

Steve chuckles. "I think it's handy," he says. "Can find just about anything you need there." Steve's expression softens, and he adds, "I'm glad you decided to call me, Buck. I want to help you as best I can, and if I start fucking something up, you need to tell me, okay?"

Bucky nods, still smiling. "You're doin' all right so far."

Steve grins. "Thanks." 

* * *

They manage to get back to sleep, but before long Bucky is up and about again. He doesn't want to disturb Steve, so he lets himself out of the bedroom and wanders down the hall toward the bathroom. He doesn't even notice the redhead sitting on the couch until he's on his way back, and then he freezes.

"Um."

The petite redhead sitting on the couch just raises an eyebrow. "I have to say, I didn't expect you to actually come back with Steve." 

_Natasha_ , Bucky's mind supplies, for more reason than one. He clears his throat and shifts his stance to one more casual. "Why's that?"

"Because it took me a long time to go with Clint," Natasha answers. "Also, you shot me twice. Thanks for that." 

"You're welcome," Bucky says. "I'm sure you'd have done the same, given half a chance."

"Well, at the time of the first one I was more of a freelancer, but you're probably right," Natasha says thoughtfully. "But I still can't wear bikinis." 

Bucky grimaces. "I'm sorry," he says. "I know it doesn't mean anything but, I wasn't myself."

Natasha actually smiles. "I know a bit about that," she says, patting the couch cushion next to her as she sits up. "Wanna watch a movie?" 

"Sure," Bucky surprises himself by saying, and then he's easing down onto the couch next to Natasha. Half an hour into _Mulan_ , Bucky decides to push his luck. "What did you mean, about you and Clint?"

Natasha gives Bucky a considering look. "After I got out of the KGB, and the Red Room, I was a freelance mercenary and spy," she says. "Loyalty went to the highest bidder. I attracted SHIELD's attention, and they sent Clint to take me down. He decided to give me a second chance instead." 

"But you didn't wanna go with him?"

"Not exactly. He let me go, though. Gave me his number, said to keep my head down and think about it."

"How long did it take?"

Natasha thinks for a moment. "Over a year," she finally says. "I had to take a lot of time to finish dealing with what happened in the Red Room." 

Bucky nods. "Well, it took me two."

"I wasn't aware that this was a competition," Natasha teases. 

"It's not," Bucky says. "You said you were surprised I came in. I did my time, just like you did."

Natasha nods. "You certainly did. It's not going to be easy, whenever we have to finally let everyone know where you are, you know that, right? But you've got me and Steve in your corner, and the twins as well."

"Apparently," Bucky says. "There'll be people who want to lock me away, whether it be in a lab or a cell or a morgue. I don't know how Steve's gonna handle that."

Natasha shrugged. "Probably by doing whatever he can to protect you. I can tell you that you don't belong in a cell - the people in Hydra who gave you those missions do. But it took me a long time to really believe that about myself."

Bucky nods. "And now you watch Disney movies."

"And now I watch Disney movies," Natasha agrees. "It's nice, to be able to just kind of... Well, not exactly forget, but put aside the memories for a while."

"I saw the first one of these, y'know," Bucky says. " _Snow White._ When I bought the tickets the guy behind the counter wanted to know if I wanted a little somethin' extra for my sweetheart. Then he saw Steve."

"What did you say?" Natasha asks.

Bucky shrugged. "Laughed it off. What else could I do?"

"Back then, probably not much," Natasha agrees, expression thoughtful. "What was it like?"

"What, the thirties?" Bucky asks. "Crap."

Natasha grins. "Not to hear most people today. They all call it 'the good old days.'"

Bucky snorts. "Yeah, okay. The good old days when you could barely scrape together enough to feed yourself and pay rent at the end of the month. The good old days when you woke up on a winter's morning and there was ice on the _inside_ of your windows. Please, take me back."

Natasha shrugs. "I think they're talking about being able to get away with more shit; it's mostly older white people I see saying that crap," she says. "Personally I'm happy with my time period."

"You couldn't get away with half the shit you can now," Bucky says darkly. "I saw a guy walking down the street in a dress the other week; if I'd so much as joked to that guy at the movies about Steve being my sweetheart, I'd have lost my front teeth and probably my kneecaps as a bonus."

Natasha inclines her head. "Fair enough." She's quiet for a moment, then, "Did you travel, or did you stay close?" 

Bucky shrugs. "Mostly I just followed Steve around, made sure he didn't get himself killed."

"The whole two years?"

"I knew he knew who I was," Bucky answers, "and I didn't, not at first. It came back slow, y'know? And once I had enough to build up a picture, I knew wherever he was was where I needed to be."

Natasha nods. "The Red Room didn't mess with my head as badly as they did yours," she says. "But they did enough. When I remembered my parents, I tracked them down. They were in a graveyard, but I had older siblings. Turns out the Red Room had me for longer than I'd ever thought; both my parents were dead, and my nieces and nephews were old enough to be parents themselves. I made sure my great-nieces and -nephews got scholarships, though." 

Bucky nods. "That's real decent of you," he says. "I went back to Brooklyn, of course I did, but there was nothing for me there. If I have any living relatives, I don't wanna know."

Natasha nods understandingly. "Everyone heals different; what's important is that you're out, and you can make your own decisions. We'll do our best to make sure that you don't have that taken away from you." 

Bucky murmurs his gratitude, and they lapse into a comfortable silence. Eventually, though, he can't keep himself from asking, "What about Steve? Did he ever look for any family?"

"Not that I know of; he was an only child, and the rest of his family was dead. He considered your family his, he said," Natasha answers. "Had lots of backpay and other financial stuff that made him rich, and he's donated most of it to some charities and people who needed it." Like Bucky's own great-nephew, who likely would never walk; Steve had managed to convince Tony to build a special wheelchair for him, as well as set up a billing system with the boy's hospital and doctor, taking care of any and all medical expenses. 

Bucky isn't surprised. "He's a good guy," he says quietly.

Natasha opens her mouth to say something, but Steve chooses that moment to stumble sleepily into the living room, flopping down on the loveseat with a yawn. "Who we talking about?" he asks, giving the two former Russian assassins on the couch a curious look. 

"You," Bucky answers with a benign smile. "You're such an angel."

Steve just rolls his eyes with a grin, kicking one leg up to hook over the back of the loveseat. "Of course I am; I'm Captain America, I have to be perfect." 

"I wouldn't go that far," Bucky says. "You snore."

"Snoring is a big sin," Natasha agrees, expression solemn.

"Ha, ha," Steve snorts, reaching for the remote to turn the volume up. "You two are hilarious; should have your own comedy show. Bet you'd make a killing."

Bucky grins, glances at the TV. "You like Disney movies, too?"

"Yeah," Steve says, smiling. "Nice sometimes to be able to just kinda lose myself in someone else's problems, and there's just something about Disney."

Bucky nods. "I still prefer the first one."

"The first one?" Steve asks. He's now worked himself so that he's diagonal on the couch, head almost hanging off of it. 

Bucky shoots him a quick look. " _Snow White_."

Steve nods, remembering when they'd gone to see it in theaters; he grins. "Wonder how many people alive can say they've seen Disney's first movie in theaters?" 

"Well, that's what makes us special," Bucky jokes.

"Absolutely," Steve agrees. 

"Some more special than others," Natasha says with a grin, looking at Steve, who is now completely upside down. The blond just sticks his tongue out at her. 

"This is comfortable, shut up."

"You're nuts," Bucky says, laughing. "There's no way in hell that's comfortable."

Steve grins. "It is actually; I'll probably finish the circle by the time the movie's over." 

"Nuts," Bucky says again, shaking his head with a fond smile.

* * *

Natasha, Steve, and Bucky are eventually pulled from their Disney marathon by Pietro darting into the living room to tell them that dinner was ready; by that point Steve had almost managed to work himself upside down again, so he simply rolled off of the couch, somersaulting onto his feet. "Wonder what we're having tonight," he muses. "Wanda's cooking." 

"Something interesting, at least," Bucky says, raising his eyebrows at Steve. "Show-off."

Steve rolls his eyes, and gives Bucky a gentle, playful shove. "You were always just as bad," he says with a grin. "I'm making up for lost time." 

"Ah, you'll never be as vain or as impressive as me." Bucky stands, stretches. "Come on; I'm starving."

Steve and Natasha follow readily. "Man, that smells good," Steve says as they enter the kitchen. "What is it?" 

"I'll tell you after you've eaten it," Wanda answers with a secretive smile, and Barnes laughs as he sits down at the table. He definitely likes her.

* * *

Afterwards, everyone is full and happy, and while the others lapse into easy conversation Bucky drifts away from the table so that he can make a start on the washing up and snatch a few moments to himself. He likes these people, for the most part, thinks they're kind and can see why Steve counts them among his closest friends, but all together they can be a bit... much. He still doesn't quite know how to act around them, who he even is around them, and it's nice to take himself away for a few minutes and lose himself to the rhythm of washing and drying.

He's pulled back to the present when he's around halfway through by the kitchen door opening, followed by Vision's voice. "Ah, Mr Stark! I don't believe you've had the pleasure of meeting Sergeant Barnes yet."

The name sets Barnes' teeth on edge - he hasn't been a _sergeant_ for decades - but he turns around with a soapy plate in his hands to offer Tony Stark a smile all the same. The plate shatters on the floor.

Steve's on his feet in an instant, but he hesitates a few feet from Bucky; behind him, all of the other Avengers watch, expressions ranging from curious(Natasha) to wary(Tony). "Buck?" Steve asks, voice quiet. "What's wrong?" 

It takes the Winter Soldier - Barnes - _Bucky_ a moment to find his tongue, but at last he forces an awkward smile and says, "Nothin', sorry." He shakes his head, and peers around Steve to address Stark. "You, uhh. You look a lot like your dad."

Only slightly reassured, Steve reluctantly moves out of the way as Tony nods. "Thanks," he says, although it's a bit stiff; any mention of his father gets the same reaction. "You look a lot like you textbook pictures. Except with longer hair." 

Barnes nods, has to resist the urge to push his hair back from his face. He doesn't know what to say, feels paralysed by his own awkwardness, but is thankfully saved by Vision.

"You must be hungry, Mr Stark. Why don't I fetch you a plate?"

The word 'plate' is enough to jolt Barnes into action, and he drops to his knees to start picking up the pieces of the one he broke.

Steve is waiting with the dust pan, holding it out for Bucky to deposit the pieces of ceramic into. While the others are refocusing on both food and conversation, Steve leans in closer and asks, "You okay?" 

"Yeah," Barnes lies, can't bring himself to be Bucky now, not even with Steve's eyes on him. "I think I'm just tired."

Steve knows when he's not being told everything, but he respects Bucky's words. "Okay. Want me to tell them you're done for the night?" 

Barnes nods. "Please."

Steve gives him a small smile. "All right. I'll let them know." 

"Thanks." Barnes is gone before Steve can say another word.

* * *

Steve makes Bucky's excuses that night, and the next few days are pretty much repeats of the first. On the fifth day, however, Tony starts making noises about wanting to get his hands on Bucky's arm. Steve finally agrees to ask Bucky, but reminds Stark about the condition that _Bucky_ decides when Tony can look at his arm. Nonetheless, Steve finds Bucky in the gym, beating the crap out of a punching bag. "Hey, Buck," he calls, making his presence known. "You got a min?" 

"Sure," Bucky says, without missing a beat or looking over. "What's up?"

"Tony's been asking to look at your arm," Steve says, figuring that it's probably better to just rip the band-aid off, so to speak. "I told him I'd ask you what you thought."

"Do I have a choice?" Barnes asks.

Steve bites back his first response - "Of course!" - because he never appreciated that in his first few years, when people assumed he should automatically know things. "Yes," he says instead. "I mean, Stark needs to see it sooner or later; it'll need repairs eventually, I'm guessing. But you do get a say in when he looks at it." 

"Whatever," Barnes says. He punches the bag one final time, sending it swinging wildly, and then catches and stills it. "Let's go."

"You're sure?" Steve asks, because he feels like he needs to. He knows that Tony can be a bit... much, and after the plate incident at dinner earlier that week, the two have barely been in the same room as each other. 

"He's not gonna shut up until I do it," Bucky says, wiping his face on his shirt. "Might as well get it over with."

Steve nods. "Okay; want me to stay with you?"

Bucky gives a short, jerky nod. "Sure."

Steve nods, and then leads the way to Tony's workshop; he knocks on the door before pushing it open, letting Bucky follow him inside. "Hey Stark," he calls. "You in here?" 

"As always," is the answer; Tony appears a moment later, and gives Barnes a big smile that probably isn't fully sincere. "Excellent! Does this mean he said yes?"

"Yes; but if he says to stop, Tony, I don't care what interesting thing you found, you stop," Steve says firmly. 

"Fine, fine," Tony says, leading them over to an examination table. "Take a seat, Mr Barnes. Or do you prefer James? Or... Bucky?" This last said hesitantly, as though he knows instinctively that he shouldn't be saying it.

It earns him a glower all the same. "Barnes is fine."

Steve settles himself on Bucky's right side. "What are you planning on doing, Tony?" he asks, as much for Bucky's benefit as his own. 

"I just want to have a look," Tony says, picking up Barnes' metal hand and bending his fingers while Barnes glares. "And you have full dexterity?"

"Obviously."

"Don't demonstrate on Tony's neck, please."

"No, not mine," Tony agrees, "but maybe other--?"

"Yes," Barnes snaps. "Plenty of others."

Steve gives Tony a glare. "Were there other models?" he asks, his tone casual, if a little careful. 

"Yeah," Barnes says, "I think so. But I hardly remember them."

Tony makes a thoughtful noise, jotting down a few measurements. "Do you remember them making any improvements or talking about what needed to be done?" he asks, picking up a diagnostic tool. "Or did they do that all while you were a popsicle?" 

Barnes grits his teeth. "I don't remember."

Tony, contrary to popular belief, actually does know when to shut up - and it when he's got two supersoldiers, one of whom has a very deadly arm approximately a foot and a half from his neck, obviously getting pissed at him. So instead of letting loose the quip on the tip of his tongue, he swallows it and gets to work. 

The metal arm is made of something that is almost a mix of the same material that Tony uses in his suits and the vibranium that made up Cap's shield. Whatever it is, it's nearly indestructible, and it takes Tony a while to figure out how to get the plates to open up to let him get a look at the inner workings. He's barely started to poke around, however, when he notices that Barnes has started breathing really heavily. A glance up has his "What, does this turn you on?" comment dying on his lips, and instead his brow furrows in concern as he glances first at Steve, then to Barnes.

Steve reaches up, laying a careful hand on Bucky's right bicep. "Buck?" he asks quietly. "How you doing?"

"I'm fine," the Soldier-- _Barnes_ , his name is _Barnes_ answers through gritted teeth. "Get on with it."

After another glance with Steve, Tony decides that his best bet would probably be to wrap things up as quickly as possible. He's got enough information to keep him busy for a few days at least, and he'd rather keep his neck in its unbroken state. Unfortunately, he appears to have started a few moments too late, because Barnes is clearly getting more agitated by the moment. "I'm almost done," he promises when Steve asks how much longer it's gonna be. He's just got to put the plates he was working with back down, and then Barnes can get the hell out of here like he's clearly getting desperate to.

"Hurry up," Barnes all but snarls. He can't even see the room around them anymore, can't see Steve or Tony or any of it; can only see _them_ , and he knows they're going to hurt him, going to make him _forget_ \--

Where he's gripping it with his human hand, the examination table splinters.

Tony rushes the last few steps, but he thinks he can be forgiven; as soon as the last plate falls smooth, Steve is there, grabbing Barnes's human hand and pulling him off of the table. "Okay, you're okay. Let's get out of here, Buck. You're okay, you're with the Avengers now." 

Barnes snorts and pulls away; they can't protect him, not from himself, and if they had any brains they'd be more concerned with protecting themselves.

* * *

Steve and Bucky retreat to Steve's quarters, and Steve can tell that pushing right now won't get them anywhere, so he just puts the television on with the volume turned down, and waits for Bucky to speak. He knew, going into this, that this was definitely a possibility, and he's kind of kicking himself for putting Bucky in that position for as long as he had.

It takes nearly an hour for Barnes to speak, and when he does it's sharp and rough. "I'm sorry."

Steve takes a moment to sort out what the best response is; in the end, he settles on, "For what?" 

"Losing it; not letting Stark finish."

Steve shakes his head. "You don't have to apologize for that; no one here blames you for not being able to handle certain things. I still jump at loud, unexpected noises, like someone knocking things over. Natasha sometimes reverts to Russian and then disappears; both of the twins still have nightmares about being trapped in a building with a dud bomb, and Tony can't deal with being on his own for long periods of time - that's why both of his A.I.s were so human-like, so he was never alone." He gives Bucky a slight smile, adding, "We're a group of messed-up misfits, and we've all got issues. We're the last people in any position to judge you." 

Barnes, Bucky, manages a smile. "I guess that's fair."

Steve's smile widens a little. "It is. And we're going to all do our best to honor your choices, Buck. So you don't have to apologize for deciding something." 

Bucky looks down at his human hand, clenches and unclenches it. "Well, I'm beat," he says at last. "I might, y'know, lie down for a little while."

Steve nods. "Okay; you want me to come get you when dinner's ready?" 

"Sure."

* * *

Over the next month, Tony looks at Bucky's arm two more times; the second, he even manages to get in a couple of minor repairs. But at the end of that month, the Avengers get some long-awaited news: Rumlow, now going by the name Crossbones, has planned his next target. And this time, the Avengers are going to be ready to stop him for good. 

"He would pick a day when I've got an unavoidable presentation at MIT," Tony grumbles. "Looks like you guys are on your own this time." 

Steve nods, looking over the data they've put together about Rumlow's recent exploits. "Sam, Nat, Wanda, Pietro; you guys up for a trip to Nigeria?" 

All murmur their agreement, and Bucky, who'd wandered in at Steve's heel and overheard everything, clears his throat. "What about me?"

"You - " Tony starts, but Steve cuts him off. 

"One of the conditions was that you couldn't leave the compound," Steve reminds Bucky gently. "Vision will be staying behind as well; he kind of sticks out." 

Bucky nods. "I get that," he says. "I just, I think I'd be of use, is all."

"You might," Steve says. 

"But you might also turn into a liability," Natasha finishes; her expression is sympathetic, but her tone is firm. "We need to take Rumlow out for good this time, and we can't run the risk of something happening to you and distracting from the mission." 

Bucky glowers. "I haven't gotten you all killed yet, have I?" he asks. "In fact, I've saved his ass more than once." He points at Steve with a metal finger.

That gets a shared frown. "What do you mean?" Steve asks; Bucky had said he'd stuck close, but surely he hadn't followed Steve across the world? 

"I've been there," Bucky says, his eyes on Steve. "I've stayed out of the way and I haven't interfered, but when the tables were turning and it looked like you needed a hand, I've dropped a few assholes to get 'em off your back."

"That was before you showed up here," Tony points out. 

Steve gives Bucky an apologetic look. "I'm sorry." 

Bucky shakes his head. "It's fine," he says, and turns to leave. "I'll leave you guys to your Avengers shit."

The Avengers all share a look, but other than Steve, none of them make a move to follow Bucky. Steve waits until they're out of earshot before he says, "I really am sorry, Buck; I wish you could come with us, but - " 

"It doesn't matter," Bucky says, and he sounds so, so tired. "You should get back in there."

Steve hesitates, then lays a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "We'll be back as soon as we can," he promises. 

"Okay," Bucky says, because he thinks Steve needs him to. He hesitates and then adds, "I'll be all right, y'know."

Steve's smile is a bit sad. "I know. I don't like leaving you behind, especially not now. Don't do anything stupid, okay?" 

"I could say the same to you," Bucky says. "I'll be fine. Go."

After one last lingering look, Steve nods and does so. 

* * *

The mission goes about as well as could be expected; they misidentify the target, Steve gets blasted out of a building, and a biological hazard is almost released in a crowded market. They manage to handle things pretty well until Steve finally gets Rumlow on the ground, and he takes the mask off. Then, things kind of go to shit. 

_He has a bomb_ , Bucky thinks, the words fuzzy and distant somewhere in the back of his mind. Then, louder: _He has a bomb!_ Bucky fumbles the trigger on his gun, has to realign the shot before he can try again, and then a bullet lodges itself squarely between Rumlow's eyes - a split second too late. Bucky doesn't even realise it at first, but then the bomb goes off, and Steve's there he's _right there_ and Bucky's heart seizes in his chest and doesn't start beating again until Rumlow's body and the explosion are flung into the air on a cloud of red mist.

Later, he'll feel horrible that the explosion takes out half a building instead of the only person in the entire world who cares about him, but for now, all he feels is relief.

The Avengers stick around to help as much as they can, but eventually there's nothing else for them to do. Steve keeps the jet from leaving until the last possible moment, and when they get back he checks on the Maximoff twins before retreating to his quarters. "Buck?" he calls. 

Bucky appears a moment later from the bathroom, drying his hands off on his jeans. "Hey," he says, without meeting Steve's eye. "You're back."

"So're you," Steve observes. 

Bucky winces, looks down. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

Steve sighs. "What made you hesitate?" he asks quietly; it didn't take a genius to figure out that Bucky had been the one behind the gunshot that rang out just a second too late. 

"I don't know," Bucky says. "I've never hesitated before. Steve, I'm sorry."

Steve shakes his head. "It's not your fault; Rumlow was determined to go one way or another, and I should've taken him out or had Sam do it before he even had a chance to even reach for the trigger." 

"What happened?" Bucky asks.

Steve doesn't answer for a moment; when he does, his voice is quiet, almost too quiet to hear. "He talked about you. What happened after we fought on the street, when I said your name." 

Bucky's exhale is sharp, ragged. "What'd he say?"

"Said you asked about me right before they wiped you again," Steve says, and he's paraphrasing. "He was distracting me so he could get to the trigger, I don't know if it was real." 

"No," Bucky says before he can stop himself. "It was. I remembered you."

Steve looks up then, trying to keep the hope from his eyes. "You did?" 

Bucky nods. "Things started coming back to me, after," he says. "I remembered the train, falling. Being found after. I fought back; I asked who you were. Didn't get me very far."

Steve nods; there'd been no recognition on the helicarrier, not at first anyway. "Still, it's not your fault for not shooting Rumlow. What's done is done, and now we need to deal with the aftermath." 

"Which is?"

"Publicly apologizing for what happened, and facing a media firestorm. Same as any other mission recently."

Bucky nods. "Could be worse, I guess."

"Yeah, could be," Steve agrees with a slight smile. "You doing okay?" 

Bucky cracks a smile. "You don't have to worry about me."

"I know I don't need to, but you're my friend; I do anyway."

"Yeah, well," Bucky says, "back atcha."

* * *

The shit doesn't hit the fan for another couple of months, and when it does it comes in the form of a three hundred-page document that, if they sign it, will cut the Avengers off at the knees. That's all Bucky hears before he retreats back into Steve's quarters, wary of being seen - but he thinks he can guess which side of the argument Steve falls on.

What he couldn't predict is Steve's sudden reappearance, or the look on his face when he meets Bucky's gaze. Bucky's on his feet in an instant, but he doesn't approach Steve, not yet. "What is it?"

Steve's throat works for a moment before he gets out, "Peggy died. The funeral is in London." 

Bucky blanches, passes a hand over his face and rubs at the stubble on his jaw. "Fuck."

"Yeah," Steve says, throat tight. "It's in a few days; I've been invited to be a pallbearer." 

"You should do it," Bucky says, approaching Steve to lay a hand on his arm. "Screw whatever's going on out there."

Steve sighs. "Tony, Natasha, Vision, Rhodey, and Pietro want to sign," he says. "Wanda is undecided, and me and Sam don't really want anything to do with this. But the Accords will be ratified regardless of who signs." 

"Then get out of here, leave 'em to it," Bucky says. "I'll come with you, even."

Steve drags in a breath, lets it out slowly. "I'd like that - but we have to make sure it's okay with the others; I don't want to jeopardize any of the progress we've made here, Buck. Sam will probably come, too; maybe that'll help convince them it'll be okay." 

Bucky doesn't exactly look happy about that, but he nods. "All right."

Steve gives Bucky a smile. "Thanks. Let's let the arguing die down before we go out," he suggests. 

"No problem."

* * *

That evening at Dinner, Steve makes his announcement. "Peggy died in her sleep last night," he says. "The funeral is in a few days in London; I've been invited to be a pallbearer." 

"Oh god," Nat breathes. "Well of course you should go."

"Absolutely," Tony agrees. "Take one of the jets, less hassle."

Steve gives Tony a grateful look. "Thanks," he says and then hesitates. "Bucky wants to go, too." 

Tony's expression hardens. "No, I don't know about that. We've kept Barnes out of the public eye for months, and people are going to be watching you, especially now. It's too risky."

"He knew Peggy, too," Steve says quietly. "And he managed to tail me for almost two years without once being caught by cameras." 

"People are gonna look at the guy right beside you a lot more closely than they'd look at the guy ten feet behind you and slightly to the left," Tony argues.

Steve glances at Bucky, then asks, "What if he was the other guy? Sitting ten feet behind me and slightly to the left." 

Tony hesitates, looks at the others; when they nod, so does he. "Okay," he says. "But if he gets caught, you get to deal with the shitstorm that follows."

"Deal," Steve says with a relieved grin. 

" _And_ you have to wear comms the whole time," Tony adds. "We can't risk you losing each other."

Steve nods, because that's not an unreasonable demand, and that's when Sam pipes up. "I'll go, too; little more moral support for Steve, and another hand on deck in case things go south." The Avengers and Bucky all exchange looks, but when everyone agrees, Steve finally lets himself relax. Comms and another person, he can do. He'd rather have Bucky sitting with him, but Tony was right in that there would be a lot of eyes on him, and anyone sitting right next to him would share that scrutiny as well. Knowing that he has two of his best friends there with him, however, will be a huge help.

* * *

The funeral is a relatively small, quiet affair; the three of them take the same flight in, though Bucky travels separately from the other two. They'd settled their comms before even leaving the Avengers compound, and Tony's latest model sends an alert if the comms are removed from the ear, so they'll know if anyone has any trouble. Or if Bucky decides to run off, but Steve highly doubts that that would happen.

Steve will never regret going to the funeral, because he missed out on seventy years of Peggy's life, and he already regrets that he couldn't give her more, give her what she deserved; he loved Peggy, maybe not in an entirely romantic way, but he thinks maybe it could have come to that, if they'd been allowed to have a life after the war. It's not like he would've been able to - 

No, Steve's not going to think about that, not right now. Instead, he sits facing forward, Sam a solid line against his side. From the corner of his eye, he can just barely see Bucky, sitting a few rows back and to the left, head bowed to help the minor facial prosthetics that Natasha had given him before they'd left to help disguise his face and make it even harder for him to be recognized. Sam nudges him when Sharon goes to the podium to speak, and Steve pays attention; he smiles when Sharon relates Peggy's quote, to stand tall when you cannot compromise, when the world is trying to tell you that something wrong is something right, and to tell the world that is their job to move, not yours. It's such a Peggy thing to say, and Steve can almost hear her saying it.

After the funeral, Natasha stops by on her way to the ratification of the Accords; Steve had made his stance clear, but the governments were decided, and for today, at least, Steve wasn't going to fight. He doesn't have the energy to. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after, but for right now, he's tired, and feeling every one of his ninety-plus years.

He walks Sharon back to her hotel; there's an awkward moment where Steve asks her if she'd ever told Peggy that she was spying on him - "I was just doing my job - " she protested; "Which was spying on me," Steve reminded her, though he's got a slight smile on his face - but before anything more can be said, Sam interrupts them.

"There's something you need to see - all of you. Sharon, can we trust you to keep an awful big secret?"

Sharon blinks, her eyes wide. "Of course," she says. "What's going on?"

Steve can hear Bucky moving through the comms, and he gets a sinking feelings. "Nothing good; let's get up to your room. You said it was room 356?"

"Got it," Bucky says in his ear, at the same time as Sharon says, "Yeah, come on."

They get upstairs, and when Sharon lets them in Bucky's already there, sitting in the chair on the far side of the room. He flexes his metal hand against the arm rest, raises his eyebrows in greeting, and Sharon cries out.

"Oh my god!" she gasps, already reaching for her weapon. "That's--" She hesitates. "That's the secret, isn't it? You brought him in."

"Actually," Bucky says casually, "he came in of his own free will. But I'm assuming that's not what we're here to talk about."

Steve situates himself so he's not quite in front of Bucky, but ready to move if he needs to. "Yes; he came in willingly a few months ago. We've been keeping things quiet, and we wanted to keep them quiet a bit longer." He glances to Sam, who's fiddling with the remote. "I'm guessing something's interrupting that plan."

"Yeah," Sam says, flipping to a news channel - it shows the UN building in Vienna, nearly one half of one of its sides now a smoking ruin. Sharon's already flipped the curtains shut on her room, and the four of them gather in front of the television as it announces that the terrorist task force in charge of the investigation has released security camera footage of someone they claim is James Buchanan Barnes. "Obviously we know that bit's not true, but this is still bad. The meeting for the ratification of the Accords met on that side of the building; King T'Chaka of Wakanda is dead, and there are numerous injuries already reported."

"Oh my god," Sharon says again, but this time it's nothing more than a horrified murmur. Bucky is on his feet all of a sudden, a glowering menace behind Steve, but she ignores him in favour of pulling out her phone. "We need to call this in, tell them we know where Barnes is."

Sam's there before Steve's even moved, grabbing the phone. "No," he says, voice firm as he backs away. "Not yet." That gets him odd looks from everyone, so he goes on to explain, "Isn't it a bit odd? Barnes hasn't done _anything_ in two years, barely any news on him beyond alleged sightings, and all of a sudden he pops out and _blows up a building_?"

Steve frowns, thinking - and then his expression clears. "Someone's framing him - maybe hoping to draw him out. You think Hydra, maybe?"

"Could be," Bucky says darkly, "if they want me back. But it's been two years. Why wait this long to make a move?"

"We're missing something," Sam agrees. 

"Question is, what?" Steve says. "We need to call Nat and Tony, because this could go even further south. We need a plan." 

"Do it," Bucky agrees. "Natasha was in that building, you should check on her."

Steve swears, reaching for his phone, but he hesitates, looking to Sharon. "Don't tell anyone about Buck yet; let us figure out what's going on and come up with a plan to find out who's behind this, please." 

"All right," Sharon says, nodding. "I promise."

Steve gives Sharon a grateful smile. "Thank you," he says, then moves off to one corner of the room to call Nat while Sam calls Tony. 

* * *

Tony stops by in the quinjet, picking everyone except for Sharon up before heading to Berlin. Wanda, Pietro, and Vision are missing, but Steve's privately glad for it; the less moving parts in a plan, sometimes, the better. "So," Steve says. "I'm guessing you two saw the news." 

"Yup," Tony says, his expression grim. "I don't think you need me to tell you that we're all screwed. As soon as the world finds out we've been harbouring the Winter Soldier, we're as good as dead."

"What if they don't though?" Sam says. "Look, who said we had to go 'hey, guess what, Barnes has actually been hiding out with us for the past few months'?" 

Rhodes frowns. "You're not suggesting we lie?" 

"Not exactly - more a delaying of the truth. We can tell the truth later, when the world's not convinced that Barnes just pulled an act of terrorism. But if we were to, say, bring Barnes in - we capture him publicly, let everyone know where he's going, and then we screen any and everyone who wants access to him."

"If someone was trying to draw Buck out, then maybe we can draw them in," Steve says thoughtfully, looking to Tony and Rhodey. "What do you think?" 

"Could work," Rhodey agrees, "but how do we convince the higher-ups not to take Barnes in and tear him apart?"

Steve sighs. "I can't officially go after him," he says. "I didn't sign the Accords - neither did Sam. If you two and Natasha went, though. Maybe we could convince them not to shoot to kill."

"The new king of Wakanda, King T'Challa, wants Barnes's head," Natasha says; she had already been in Vienna, and they'd gotten her on the phone while flying to her. "You're not going to convince him to leave him alone, even if we go after Barnes with a contingent of agents."

"So we make it look like we're gonna interrogate him," Tony says. "Tell T'Challa he can do whatever he wants to him after we're done."

"If he's proven guilty," Steve adds, because he doesn't like the thought of outright lying to someone as powerful as a king. Twisting the truth is one thing, but outright lying is another; Steve _has_ grown up - kind of - since the time he illegally attempted to enlist five times.

Tony waves a hand. "Yeah, whatever. So are we game?" He looks over at Barnes, who just nods.

Steve and Sam look at each other, and then Steve says. "We're game." 

"I'll do my best to keep T'Challa off of Bucky," Nat adds. "Now, let's talk details." 

* * *

They drop Bucky off in some nowhere town in Romania, and Steve comes with him, to keep him company or to make sure he doesn't bolt, Bucky doesn't know. They pick out the seediest motel they can find and make sure the guy at the desk doesn't see Steve but gets a great look at Bucky, and then set up camp in one of the rooms to wait. It shouldn't take long for the tip to be called in, and then they're in business.

But in the meantime, all they've got is each other, and there's something on Bucky's mind. He's sitting on the bed, Steve hovering by the door, and Bucky looks down at his hands so that he doesn't have to look at Steve when he says, "I need you to do something for me."

Steve looks at Bucky and frowns slightly as he takes in the other man's posture. "Yeah?" he asks, a little worried. 

"I know that it'd fuck things up for you if you got involved in this, and I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think I needed to," Bucky says. "Stark and the others aren't gonna be the first to get here, and I'm gonna have to throw some punches and that's fine - but if it starts to go sideways, if it starts to get real bad, I need you to take me out."

"You think that'll happen?"

"I don't know," Bucky answers honestly. "If Stark's too slow and whoever the fuck comes after me gets too close, maybe. It's not that I can't handle myself, 'cause I can - too well."

"You're worried about losing control," Steve surmises, voice soft. 

Bucky nods, keeps his gaze on his hands. He's silent for a long moment, but at last, voice barely more than a whisper, he admits, "Sometimes I don't know who I am."

With a glance at the door, Steve moves so he can sit next to Bucky. "What do you mean?" he asks, curious, but careful to keep his tone gentle. 

Bucky sighs, runs his hand through his hair. "When it's just us, I know exactly who I am," he says. "I'm Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers' best pal. But sometimes, with the others... I'm not Bucky for them. I can't be; I don't know how to be. So then I'm just Barnes, or sometimes I'm no one at all. And sometimes..." He trails off, glances at Steve with something like fear in his eyes. "Sometimes I'm the Soldier."

Steve swallows, trying his best to understand. "The Soldier?" he prods carefully.

"It's not like I suddenly want to kill all of you or anything," Bucky says quickly. "It's just-- that mindset, y'know? I think that's what happened in Lagos; I saw Rumlow and I knew he could hurt you and I wanted to help, but I also couldn't keep from slipping under, from remembering everything they did to me and just _becoming_ that-- that monster all over again. Like that was what was expected of me."

"I don't think that," Steve says, hastening to reassure Bucky. "But I think I get it." He's quiet for a moment, then tentatively asks, "What about Stark? The first time you two interacted, you seemed... really tense."

Bucky's expression shutters. "Stark, he looked at me and all he saw was the Winter Soldier," he says. "So, that's who looked back."

Steve nods, accepting the answer. "Okay," he says, reaching over to lay a hand on Bucky's knee, squeezing lightly. "I'll make sure nothing too bad happens, okay?"

Bucky murmurs his thanks, and moves his hand like maybe he wants to cover Steve's - but then a phone rings on the other side of the room and Bucky's on his feet in an instant. He answers it because Steve's probably supposed to have left right now, and Tony Stark's cheerful voice greets him. "Well, Mr Barnes, you've officially been papped. You've got about ten minutes until the vultures arrive, so tell Cap to get his ass out of there, would you?"

Bucky hangs up and looks back at Steve. "They're coming."

Steve nods, and right now he wants nothing more than to pull Bucky in for a hug, because God only knows if this plan will actually work, and how things will go after Bucky is 'captured,' but he settles for laying a hand on Bucky's shoulder and squeezing. "I'll be watching," he promises. "I'll try to keep things from going too far sideways."

"Thanks," Bucky says, squeezing Steve's arm in return. He may not know who he is on his best of days, but the part of Bucky Barnes left inside him from before the war still can't quite get over how big Steve is now. "See you on the other side."

* * *

Steve manages to slip out without being noticed, and when the agents show up to flush Bucky out of the motel room for Iron Man, Black Widow, and War Machine to chase down, Captain America takes a deep breath and lets himself fall into that all-too-familiar headspace of an upcoming fight. He watches everything, making sure that Bucky's not actually in danger; he's definitely handling himself well, careful to pull his punches to make sure he doesn't send someone to the hospital with fatal injuries if he can help it, and he manages to make it out of the motel room and onto the roof of the next building over, and Steve thinks, _Okay, now Tony and Rhodey will show up, and they'll take the chase from here._

Only, it's not one of the men in the flying suits that shows up.

Bucky falters, completely taken aback - but the guy in the cat suit doesn't give him any chance to take stock. He attacks with a focus and a ruthlessness that Bucky's never seen outside of himself, and it's all Bucky can do to counter the hits and get in a few of his own. This definitely wasn't part of the plan."

The longer it takes for Bucky to get away from the interloper that Steve can only assume is T'Challa, the more worried Steve gets; he goes so far as unclipping the shield as he watches Bucky stumble to the ground after barely dodging a lethal blow, bringing up a metal bar in an attempt to block the other man's claws, but they go right through it. Bucky's not fighting the way that Steve is used to seeing him fight - he's not brawling, the way he did before the war, when he was saving Steve's skinny ass from whatever fight he'd picked that night, and he's not fighting with the deadly, single-minded focus he displayed in D.C.; Bucky isn't even fighting the same way that he did a few moments ago when he was disarming the agents sent to flush him out of his motel room. Now, Bucky's fighting _defensively_ , Steve's shocked to realize, and that more than anything else makes Steve cock his arm, ready to fling the shield like a frisbee, when there's a familiar sound and then a beam of light knocks T'Challa off of Bucky, giving the former assassin a chance to get to his feet and run.

T'Challa, unsurprisingly, follows - but Natasha sticks true to her word, doing her best to keep the king from doing too much damage to Bucky as Tony and Rhodes follow him through the streets of the city and down into the underground highway. Steve loses them briefly, but when they go by an opening to the streets above, he abandons his pretense at stealth, dropping onto the highway as well. He manages to catch up to the group just as Rhodey takes Bucky down with a calculatedly non-lethal strike from the repulsors, and Natasha gets T'Challa's legs caught in the nifty, nigh-unbreakable cuffs that she and Tony had spent months perfecting. Steve leaves before anyone can see him there in full uniform, returning to the quinjet to wait to be 'officially' brought in.

Tony picks him up, and after a quick debriefing, the team heads for the main floor, where they're given a small room to observe the proceedings. Natasha, Rhodey, and Sam have disappeared for the moment, and Steve is left alone with a monitor that shows Bucky strapped into what looks almost like a modified shipping container, at least until Tony returns. Steve glances up at him, then nods towards the monitor. "How's it going?" 'It' meaning their plan, of course - but it's not like anyone at this government facility, besides possibly Sharon, knows that there's more going on here than just the Avengers bringing in a brainwashed assassin who allegedly blew up a United Nations meeting.

"Good," Tony says. "They're pushing for a psych eval but I convinced them to put that off for a couple days. Y'know, make him sweat."

"Good," Steve says, unable to stop himself from glancing back at the monitor every fifteen seconds. "Any idea on what happens next?" 

Tony shrugs. "Just have to wait and see, I guess," he says. "Or... we could talk."

"Talk?" Steve asks, a bit wary. 

Tony sighs. "Steve, come on," he says. "Sign the Accords. You'll be able to help Barnes on your own terms, with the full and official support of the Avengers behind you, and anything else you don't like, we can work out later. We need you, Cap."

Steve shakes his head. "You're asking me to hand the Avengers over to the government," he says. "After everything that's happened, I really don't think that's the smartest move, Tony." 

"Maybe not," Tony agrees, "but what other choice do we have? If we can pull this off, with _everyone_ on board, then maybe we can gain some of their trust back. Enough that we can renegotiate the terms."

Steve doesn't answer for a long moment, debating hard with himself. "Do you really believe we can make this work, once everything's calmed down?" he asks, looking at Tony. In the years since Loki's attempt to take over the Earth, he and Tony had managed to form a good friendship; it had been shaken by the debacle with Ultron, but that didn't change the fact that Tony was, quite literally, a genius. Steve trusted him. "You read them, there's nothing in there that keeps us from demanding changes, to make everyone involved happy?" 

"Nothing," Tony says. "Steve, this is the UN we're talking about. They have a history of renegotiating and amending their laws once they've been passed. Not to mention the fact that the Avengers are a privatised group; there's only so much control they could exert over us in the first place. It might not look like it right now, but this is a good deal, Steve. It's the best we're gonna get, and once we've all signed, we can make it better."

Steve's quiet again, and then he lets out a slow breath. "When everyone gets back - " he starts, then remembers. "Where are the twins?" 

Tony winces. "Confined to the compound. Vision's with them."

"Confined?" Steve asks sharply, almost glaring at Tony. "Why?" 

"Because Wanda's dangerous," Tony says. "Pietro too, to a certain extent. And they're not American citizens. It was either the compound or a cell somewhere."

Steve opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it. Tony has a point - if it was up to anyone else, they'd be in cells, just like what Hydra did to them. "They're just limited to the compound?" 

"Yeah," Tony says, "and only for now. That's one of the first things I'm going to bring up to the panel - _if_ you sign."

Steve nods. "All right. When the others get back, I'll sign." He chafed a bit at the feeling of giving in - but maybe Tony and Nat had a point. And he could always kick up a fuss later if need be; it’s not like he has any problem with mutinying or rebelling against direct orders.

To Tony's great relief, Steve keeps his word and puts pen to paper once the others return, and Sam follows his lead and does the same. He even makes a crack about needing to toast the occasion, and Tony sends a little worker bee scurrying from the room to find something appropriate, glances up at the monitor that they've all been ignoring as he does so. He frowns.

"I was told that only we would have access to Barnes' cell," he snaps to no one and everyone. "So who the hell is that?"

All eyes turn to the monitor just as the power flickers and cuts out, emergency generators booting up a minute later. "Buck," Steve breathes. "Sam, with me - Tony, see if you can figure out what just took out the power. Nat, Rhodey, try to see if you can keep everyone from leaving, we need to know how the hell he got in." Once everyone nods, Steve and Sam take off, Steve grabbing his shield and clipping it to his back as they run.

Several floor below, Zemo smiles as he sees the power flicker. "Good," he says, reaching for his bag and pulling out a slim, leatherbound book. "I was hoping we would get a chance to talk privately, Sergeant Barnes."

Barnes' eyes narrow. "Who are you?"

"Just a man looking for some answers," Zemo says breezily as he stands, notebook held in his hands. "For now, however - I would like to talk to you about your home. Not Brooklyn, not Romania - but Russia." He opens the notebook, flipping it open to an already-marked page, and begins to read.

" _Longing._

" _Rusted._

" _Seventeen._

" _Daybreak._

" _Furnace._

" _Nine._

" _Benign._

" _Homecoming._

" _One._

" _Freight car._ "

Barnes has broken his bindings, punched his way out of that godforsaken container, and fallen to his knees - but it's the Winter Soldier who looks up.

" _Ready to comply._ "

Triumph spreads over Zemo's face, dark and satisifed. "Mission report, December 16, 1991," he orders.

And the Soldier complies.

* * *

When Sam and Steve make it down to the cell, the door is open and Zemo is laying on the floor, calling for help; Steve isn't having any of it, though, and slams the other man up against the wall, snarling in his face, but Zemo just laughs, and then Bucky - the Winter Soldier - attacks. He throws Sam against the container that had held him, and then he's on Steve as well, leaving Zemo to run after the Soldier knocks Steve into an elevator shaft.

Tony, Nat, T'Challa, and Sharon do their best to stop Bucky, but with the way that he's fighting, it's clear that they're not fighting Bucky, not now. They're fighting the Winter Soldier, and he's not pulling any punches. Nat ends up choked, Sharon is knocked unconscious, and Tony is left behind - at least until Rhodey calls for backup; he's found the interloper, and Sam's helping, but they need something with a little more oomph. 

There's an almighty crash from the roof of the building as Tony emerges into sunlight, easily locating the place where Sam and Rhodey are doing their best to incapacitate the intruder, but it's not until Tony hits him with a sonic repulsor blast that Rhodey's able to nab his legs, locking them together, but the man has a trick up his sleeve, it seems - one last ace in the hole. He's fond of explosives, obviously, because that's what goes off, right as Rhodey lands next to the vehicle that their prisoner had been attempting to enter. Rhodey is thrown through the air, and everyone else is knocked back, but there's no time to survey the damage because the little rat is trying to escape again. Sam takes him down this time while Tony runs for Rhodey, and when he finds his friend, he's horrified - the suit's been breached, and there's shrapnel everywhere, including in Rhodey. Luckily EMS are already on their way, but Rhodey gives Tony a terrified look and confesses in a shaky whisper, "I can't feel my legs."

On the rooftop, Bucky had tried to escape in a helicopter, and Steve had only just managed to grab the helicopter - but then Bucky turned it, making the chopper crash into the roof. When Steve tried to retrieve Bucky from the wreckage, it was clear he wasn't quite back to being Bucky, because he lashed out with the metal arm and grabbed Steve around the throat, holding onto him as the edge of the landing pad gave way, dragging them over the edge. It wasn't until Bucky was knocked unconscious by an impact with the glass windscreen that he released Steve, and the supersoldier was able to fish him out of the pilot's seat and haul them both to the edge of the river. Natasha and T'Challa were there, Nat sporting some fresh bruises, and Steve briefly considered throwing Bucky over his shoulder and running, because T'Challa had literally just tried to kill his best friend that morning, but then Nat was reassuring him that T'Challa knew their plan, and knew that it hadn't actually been Bucky who had blown up the United Nations building. Steve still didn't trust the king, but he did trust Natasha, and he allowed T'Challa to help them out of the water and get Bucky back into the building.

* * *

The next time he opens his eyes, he's Bucky again, and he's handcuffed to a bed. He sits up so fast he almost breaks the chain, but he stops himself just in time, doesn't think it'd do him any favours. He's in a cell again, and sitting across from him, his back to the wall that's all windows, is-- "Steve?" Bucky's head hurts, and he closes his eyes against the dull throbbing behind them. "What did I do?"

"Hey," Steve says, relieved, as he moves forward. "Zemo - the guy who somehow managed to get through this entire goddamn building to get to you - somehow managed to trigger the Soldier's programming. You didn't kill anyone." 

"But I hurt them," Bucky says, nodding. "That guy, he-- he knew the words. He had a book from Hydra, God knows what was in it. But he knew exactly what to say to make me... _comply_."

In a move that was probably driving whoever was watching the security cameras nuts, Steve reaches out for Bucky, taking his flesh hand in his, squeezing tightly. "You did hurt them," he says, "but you didn't touch any civilians besides knocking out a few security guards." He's quiet for a moment. "Buck, you know I have to ask. Do you remember what he wanted?" 

Bucky shakes his head, looks down at his hand squeezing Steve's back. "I-- I don't know."

"He went to a lot of effort to get to you," Steve says gently, bringing his free hand up to cover the one Steve is still holding. "I need a little bit more than 'I don't know,' because he hasn't talked yet, besides a comment about toppling an empire." 

Bucky's breath catches in his throat, and he releases it slowly, thinking hard. "He... he wanted to know about Hydra. About the place they kept me."

Steve nods. "Okay, good - that's a start. Do you remember what you told him?" 

"Everything," Bucky says. "I didn't have a whole lot of choice."

"I know," Steve says, his heart clenching at the thought he was supposed to be _protecting_ Bucky, and here he had gotten violated in one of the worst ways under his watch. "I know, and I'm sorry he slipped through, but I need to know any details you can remember, Buck. He had a plan, and we don't know if he was working alone, but we need to make sure that whatever it is he was working towards doesn't happen." 

Bucky shakes his head, looking shamefaced and clearly struggling. "There are others," he says at last. "Others like me, but worse. A lot worse. They're still on ice in Siberia."

Steve follows his instincts, bringing one hand up to lay against Bucky's neck, fingers kneading lightly. "Soldiers with the serum?" he asks, voice quiet. 

"Yeah," Bucky says. "Brutal. They could barely be controlled, not like-- not like me."

"So they're like me on a bad day," Steve jokes, smiling slightly. "Do you remember where they're being kept?" 

"Yeah," Bucky says. "I can tell you, but--" He hesitates, gaze flickering to the camera that he knows is there, despite the fact that it's fairly well hidden. "Only you."

"Buck," Steve starts, then stops, reconsiders, and asks carefully, "Can I tell the others, so that we can make sure nothing bad happens?" 

Bucky considers that, and nods. "But not here."

Steve smiles. "Thank you." He debates asking now, but decides against it; they can talk about that bit later. His thumb absently rubs over the soft skin just under Bucky's ear as he asks, "How are you doing?" 

Bucky shakes his head, looks away. "Did I hurt you?" he asks quietly.

"You threw me down an elevator shaft and then pulled me off the roof," Steve says lightly. "But I've only got a couple of scratches." He sobers then, the hand that had just been resting against Bucky's neck turning to press against the skin there as he ducks to meet Bucky's gaze. "It wasn't you," he says quietly. "It was your body, but it wasn't you - it was the Soldier."

"Who _is_ me,"Bucky snaps, but he looks like he immediately regrets it, deflates like someone stuck a pin in him. "I knew this would happen. I knew it was just a matter of time."

"Hey," Steve says, voice sharper than it had been. "Hey," he repeats, softer this time. "You knew what would happen? That someone would trigger the programming?" 

"That something would," Bucky insists. "I was scared I'd lose control if I had to fight, but Steve, isn't this worse? There are people out there who know how to control me, or who could find out. God, if the words are really written in that book, then the people who let Zemo in could do it. The people _you_ answer to."

"Then we'll make it so they can't," Steve says, like it's the simplest thing in the world - it isn't, but they need to try. "Tony said he was working on something that can alter memories, and Wanda can influence people's minds. As soon as we get back to the compound, we'll start working on a way to get the programming out of you, or at least so that you can fight back."

Bucky sighs. "Any movement on that front?" he asks weakly. "Can we leave yet?"

Steve reaches up to turn his earpiece on, relaying Bucky’s question. "Not just yet," Tony says into the earpiece that Steve is still wearing. "But we've almost got Ross shouted down - actually wait, scratch that. Natasha just pulled her Black Widow face out. I'll send Birdbrain down to get you two." Steve can heard Sam's indignant squawk, and he rolls his eyes.

"Sam's coming down to get us," Steve says, giving Bucky a smile. "Then we can go back home."

Bucky nods, smiles back, though it's weak. _Home._ "Okay."

* * *

Once they've been updated, Pietro and Wanda also agree to sign the Accords, and then Tony finally gets out the champagne so that they can celebrate their reunion, although to Bucky's mind they were never really separated. He bows out before too long, because of course no one needs him to sign anything, and there's too much going on in his head for him to put any effort into acting like he belongs here. They still haven't found him somewhere else to sleep, so he retreats to Steve's room, leaves the light off and settles himself on the floor with his back to the wall because Steve's bed is still too soft and, well, it's _Steve's bed_.

It takes Steve a grand total of twenty minutes to find him.

Steve settles himself on the floor, leaning against the wall next to Bucky. "Hey," he says quietly, giving in to the urge to tentatively run his fingers through Bucky's hair just once before settling his hand on the other soldier's shoulder. "You okay?"

Bucky relaxes for a fraction of a second before tensing up again. "Yeah," he says. "You should get back out there."

"You're more important at the moment," Steve says. "You seemed quiet - Well, quieter than usual."

Bucky shakes his head. "Lot on my mind."

"Wanna talk?" Steve asks gently, squeezing Bucky's shoulder.

"I can't," Bucky whispers.

Steve sighs. "Okay. I won't make you talk," he says. "But if something's bothering you, it might be better to get it off your chest."

Bucky actually laughs at that. "Trust me, Steve, you don't want to know."

"You're my best friend," Steve says simply, shifting a little so he can better face Bucky, still not removing his hand from the other's shoulder. "If it's bothering you, I do want to know."

"You'll hate me," Bucky says, quiet but no less certain for it.

"Impossible," Steve says with certainty. "Buck, there is nothing that would make me hate you."

That's a challenge if ever there was one, and Bucky meets it before he can stop himself. "Even if I killed Stark's parents?"

Steve goes still. "Did you?" he asks carefully, aware that he is on very shaky ground right now.

Bucky nods, hangs his head.

Steve takes a deep breath. "Hydra made you," he guesses. "While you were the Winter Soldier."

"They were carrying the serum that was used on the other soldiers," Bucky says. "I ran them off the road, but the crash didn't kill them. I had to..."

"No witnesses," Steve finishes quietly. "Was it quick?" 

"Depends on your definition," Bucky says after a moment. "It hurt, though. Had to make it look like they'd died on impact."

Steve nods understandingly; he doesn't like that Hydra made Bucky do this, but he doesn't hate Bucky for it. He was brainwashed and not acting under his own volition at the time. "It's still not your fault, and I don't hate you," Steve tells him.

But Bucky isn't finished. "They knew me," he says. "They begged me to help them."

"They - Howard recognized you?" Steve knew that the Howard who had not-raised Tony was not the Howard that he and Bucky had known during the war, but God, if Howard had recognized Bucky...

"Yeah," Bucky says dully. "Yeah, I know."

Steve can't stand it anymore; he takes his hand off of Bucky's shoulder, but only so he can pull the man beside him into an almost bone-crushing hug. "I'm so sorry," he murmurs. "I wish we would've found you, I wish you never had to go through that, I wish none of this ever happened, I'm just - I'm so sorry." 

Bucky goes willingly, wraps his arms around Steve and holds on for dear life. "It's not your fault, Steve," he rasps. "I don't blame you for not finding me."

Steve laughs, but it's brief and wet. "Doesn't change the fact that I wish there was something I could've done, or that whatever Hydra did to you hadn't happened," he mumbles, arms tightening around Bucky. "Whatever Hydra made you do isn't your fault." 

"I'm trying to believe that," Bucky promises, "but it means a lot that you do."

"Good. I'll tell you every day if I have to," Steve says, letting himself bury his face in Bucky's neck, breathing deeply. 

Bucky sighs, indulges in Steve's embrace for a few moments longer before he makes himself pull back. "Stark deserves to know who he's living with," he says quietly.

Steve doesn't let Bucky go too far, not willing to give up the contact, but he nods when Bucky speaks. "He does," he says quietly. "Do you want to tell him, or do you want me to? I don't know how he'll react; he wasn't close to Howard, but his mom... " 

"I can't ask you to do it," Bucky says.

"He might attack you if you're standing right there," Steve points out, worried. "I'm not saying don't tell him - because he deserves to know - but, please - be careful?" 

Bucky nods. "That's fine."

"That's - fine? That he might attack you?"

Bucky just shrugs.

" _Buck,_ " Steve says, anguished - but then he doesn't say anything else. If the last several months have taught him anything, it's that while Bucky is much changed from the one that Steve knew before and during the war, he's still just as stubborn as he was before. Steve sighs. "All right. Let me break it to him first, though?"

"You think that's for the best?" Bucky asks.

Steve shrugs. "With something like this, I don't know," he says honestly. "But I don't want to just send you into the lion's den, figuratively speaking."

"Fine," Bucky says. "If he wants me after, he knows where I am."

* * *

Tony finds Barnes in the gym fifteen minutes later. He practically throws the doors open, stomping over to where Barnes is standing, calm as you please, in the middle of the room, and punches him square in the face. He'd debated using the suit to pack more power behind it, but he'd decided that he wants to feel Barnes's skin split beneath his knuckles. "You _bastard,_ " he snarls, hauling back for another hit. "You fucking - You _killed her! _"__

Barnes takes the hit, staggers back with the force of it but stays on his feet. "Yeah," he says. "I did."

"Tony - " Steve starts, but he's interrupted by Barnes. 

"No." Barnes holds out his metal hand to silence Steve, wipes blood from his lip with his human one. "It's okay."

" _Okay?_ " Tony yells. " _None_ of this is okay!" He slugs Barnes again, nailing him with a right hook that Tony just knows is going to give himself bruises, but right now he doesn't give a single fuck, because this man standing in front of him killed his mom.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tony snarls, actually throwing one of the smaller dumbbells at Barnes, but his aim isn't the best when he's all but blinded in rage, so he misses Barnes's face by about five inches. "Either of you!" This time he rounds on Steve. "Did you know?" he demands, voice breaking on the last word. " _Did you know!?_ " This time it comes out in a scream, high-pitched and desperate.

Steve shakes his head. "We found hints, but Tony, I swear I didn't know - nothing was solid, and - "

Tony actually backs away from Steve. "You _knew._ You suspected, at least - and you never told me?"

And all Steve can say is "I'm sorry," and then watch helplessly as Tony turns back on his best friend, who refuses to let Steve come to his aid.

"This isn't Steve's fault, Stark," Barnes insists. "It's mine. I killed your mom, not him."

"Yeah, you did," Tony growls, grabbing a ten pound dumbbell off of the rack and wielding it like a club, smashing the weight into the side of Barnes's face, sending the other man to the floor, Tony following. He doesn't even know what he's doing, only that his fists are striking something that's leaving blood on them, and he can't stop.

And Barnes takes it. He curls in on himself, grunts with the pain each time Tony lands a punch, but he takes it until he can't anymore. Until he catches a glimpse of Steve through the stars beginning to cloud his vision and he realises that this is wrong. The Winter Soldier deserves to die at Stark's hands for this - but Bucky Barnes does not.

Bucky's metal hand comes up in a flash, catching the fist that Tony was about to smash into his face for the umpteenth time. He doesn't hit him, because Tony doesn't deserve that either, but he uses the force of Tony's punch against him and twists to throw him onto the floor. Then Bucky gets to his feet, using his right hand to reset his jaw, and moves to stand over Tony.

"Enough."

Tony goes still, mostly from shock, but just a little bit from fear. That's not the blank mask of the Winter Soldier that was glimpsed in Berlin, but this isn't exactly Barnes, either. He wants to think he recovers quickly, bucking up against Barnes's hold. " _Asshole,_ " he hisses. "You think I'm fucking done with you - "

A sharp shove to Tony's chest has him hitting the floor again, his head bouncing off the ground with a _crack_ that Bucky might regret if he didn't feel like his face had exploded. "You are," he says firmly. "You're done." He waits only long enough to make sure Tony isn't going to get up again before leaving the room.

Tony sits on the floor until Steve helps him up; the billionaire almost doesn't accept the help, but he's currently feeling just a touch embarrassed about how he completely and utterly lost his shit just now. "Thanks," he mutters as Steve pulls him to his feet.

Steve nods. "I'm sorry for not telling you - but we didn't know for sure. There were only hints, and I didn't want to tell you until we knew for sure."

"Yeah," Tony mutters, wincing as he takes in the state of his bloody knuckles. "Whatever. I'll talk to you later, Cap. Might want to go get an ice pack for your friend's face." Without looking back, Tony leaves the gym.

Bucky is in Steve's bathroom, holding a damp washcloth and trying to clean the blood off his face. It hurts, but he knows from experience that he'll heal eventually. "Hey," he calls when Steve gets back. "In here."

Steve doesn't hesitate to take the washcloth from Bucky when he gets into the bathroom, touch gentle as he carefully cleans Bucky's face. "You knew he'd attack you," Steve says quietly. 

Bucky shrugs, winces. "I'd have done the same," he says. "Found out some punk had killed my mom, I'd have buried him."

Steve sighs. "Fair enough. But he hit you in the face with a dumbbell, Buck. Granted it was a small one, but still." 

"I stopped him before he killed me, didn't I?"

Steve shakes his head. "Yeah, you did, but - you're not a punching bag for someone to take their issues out on." 

"I know," Bucky says softly, looking up into Steve's eyes. "I know that now."

Steve holds Bucky's gaze for a moment, but then he has to focus on cleaning one of the cuts on the other man's forehead, otherwise he'd do something he'd regret. "So long as you know that," he says, voice just as quiet. 

Bucky closes his eyes with a soft sigh, leans into Steve's touch even though the added pressure makes it uncomfortable. "Thanks for this," he murmurs.

Steve swallows, brings his other hand up to cup the side of Bucky's neck. "You're welcome," he says, forcing himself to focus on where he's carefully cleaning away blood instead of... somewhere else. 

Bucky's hand clenches and unclenches at his side, and he leans back against the sink, his eyes still closed as he lets himself be tended to.

* * *

Things are tense in the compound for a few days, but eventually they even out again; Tony is still avoiding Bucky and, by extension, Steve, but everyone knows it'll be a while before Stark is ready to face them again. Steve and Bucky pass the time sparring, watching movies, and - on one memorable occasion - playing Mario Kart. Bucky had greatly enjoyed the looks of horror on Clint, Wanda, and Vision's faces when they found out just how colorful Steve's vocabulary really was. 

About two weeks after the confrontation that Bucky still had fading bruises from, the two supersoldiers were relaxing on the couch in front of the television, watching _Mary Poppins._ Steve passed out around the time "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" started up, and he doesn't wake up until the chimney sweeps are singing their number. It takes him a moment to sort out his position; he's laying on his side, head pillowed in Bucky's lap, facing the other man's stomach, and his arms are wrapped around Bucky's waist. Steve doesn't know if Bucky is awake or not, but for right now he doesn't care, closing his eyes and settling himself more comfortably. 

Bucky is awake, and the movement attracts his attention, but he doesn't do anything except bring his right hand up to card his fingers gently through Steve's hair. "Shh," he murmurs, hoping to soothe Steve back to sleep. "It's okay."

Steve makes a quiet sound in the back of his throat; Bucky used to do that all the time when they were younger, when Steve was maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet if he'd just eaten. Usually it was after Steve had been sick, or if he'd had an asthma attack. He's missed this, Steve realizes, more than he'd thought. But instead of saying anything, Steve just lets his grip on Bucky's waist tighten, legs pulling up just a little so he can curl closer to his - his best friend. 

Bucky leaves him for as long as he can after the movie ends, until Vision floats in uninvited and tells him that Stark is out and dinner is ready. When they're alone again he tightens his fingers slightly where they're still buried in Steve's hair, rubbing his fingertips against his scalp. "C'mon," he says quietly when Steve makes a quiet noise of protest, dragged towards the land of the living against his will. "Food, Steve."

Steve makes another protesting sound; he's been comfortable, if not completely asleep, the past few hours. Without really thinking about it, he shifts forward so he can bury his face in Bucky's stomach, mumbling protests that aren't exactly actual words. 

Bucky laughs and slips his hand down to squeeze the back of Steve's neck. "Come on."

Steve whines; it's pathetic, he knows. "But I'm comfortable!" 

"You're also hungry," Bucky chuckles. "I know you. Come on, princess, we can cuddle all you like after."

That gets Steve to tilt his head so he can look at Bucky consideringly. "Promise?" 

Bucky's next laugh is sharp, surprised, but still fond. "Whatever you want, pal."

Steve smiles, then heaves a put-upon sigh as he sits up. "I'm holding you to the cuddling thing," he informs Bucky. 

"Yeah," Bucky says, shaking his head. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

Steve doesn't follow up on his first instinct after dinner, which is to tug Bucky down until they're both lying sideways on the couch, Steve plastered to the other's front, because while Steve may be borderline touch-starved, he has no clue how Bucky would react to that. Instead, he settles for sitting close enough to Bucky that their arms brush with every breath while they watch another movie. It's not until later that night, when they've gone to bed, that Steve gets up the courage to make a move. 

Bucky has been sleeping on an air mattress for a while now, and it’s just big enough for the both of them when Steve lays down on it, bringing his own pillow and an extra blanket that he also tosses over Bucky. Bucky doesn't say anything for a long moment, doesn't even acknowledge Steve's presence besides shifting over to make enough room on the mattress, but when it becomes apparent that Steve isn't going to say anything either, he rolls over onto his side so that he can peer at Steve through the gloom. He hasn't been down here since Bucky floored him after that nightmare, so the significance of this moment isn't lost on Bucky - he just isn't sure what it means, is afraid to hazard a guess. "You okay?" he whispers.

Steve shrugs. "Bed's too soft tonight," he says - and it's not exactly a lie. 

Bucky nods. "You want to switch?" he offers, because he feels like he should.

Steve shakes his head. "If it's not comfortable for me, probably isn't comfortable for you," he points out. He swallows, then adds, "Besides, you promised me cuddling." 

Bucky exhales a slow breath. "I did," he agrees. "Didn't realise you were serious, though."

Steve snorts out a laugh and, for once, lets himself be a little vulnerable. "It'd be nice to have some contact that's not violent." 

Bucky nods slowly, thinking about Steve's hand on his neck after the fight with Tony, his own hand in Steve's hair a few hours ago. It is nice, he thinks, for that reason and maybe some others, too. "Okay," he says, and lifts his arm slightly, the blankets with it. "C'mere."

Steve's smile is almost shy as he scoots closer, feeling the mattress beneath him shuffle and resettle as he does. "Thanks." 

Bucky wraps his arm around Steve, pulls him just that little bit closer. "You've probably never been sick a day since they made you like this," he murmurs conversationally as he fidgets with the blankets until they're covering Steve's shoulders. "Still can't seem to shake the habit of frettin' over you, though."

"Get colds every so often," Steve mumbles, letting himself relax. "Only last about a day though." 

Bucky tuts, tucks the blankets closer around them both. "And your breathing?" he asks.

"Haven't had a problem except with colds," Steve answers, giving in to the urge to reach out and carefully laying his arm across Bucky's ribs, elbow bending so he can brush his fingers up Bucky's spine.

Bucky hums, his eyes closing as he shifts beneath Steve's touch, pleased. "That's good," he says quietly. "Hated it when you got sick."

"I know," Steve murmurs, fingers still idly tracking patterns on Bucky's back. "Hated it when you got sick after looking after me." 

"Ah," Bucky says dismissively, "I never minded. It was never half as bad as you had it, and I had to look after you, didn't I? Couldn't leave you alone."

Steve smiles again. "I'm glad you didn't; I know I was a pain in your ass." 

Bucky snorts. "Not at all," he says. "A pain in the face, sometimes, when I had to take a beating on your behalf, but you were never a bother, Steve."

Steve grins. "I always had 'em on the ropes." 

Bucky laughs. "Sure you did, pal."

"Jerk," Steve laughs, something in his chest loosening with Buck's laughter. 

Bucky sobers a little, but his smile doesn't fade. "I've always got your back, y'know," he says softly. "Even now."

"Yeah, I know," Steve says, just as soft. "I'm so glad you decided to come back." 

"Me too," Bucky whispers. "I missed you so much, Steve."

Steve shifts, bringing his hand up so he can cup Bucky's cheek. "I missed you, too." 

They're so close like this, Steve warm and safe in Bucky's arms, and Bucky thinks that he could reach out now and take what he wants, thinks Steve might even give it to him - but he can't. He _can't._

Instead, he closes his eyes again, let's himself lean into Steve's touch just a little. "Never again, okay?" he murmurs. "I'm not leavin' you again."

There's something in Bucky's expression that takes Steve's breath away - but then it's gone, hidden away once again. Steve lets out a slow breath and nods. "Good," he says quietly, not moving his hand from Bucky's cheek. 

Bucky smiles softly, his eyes still closed, and rubs his thumb over the back of Steve's shoulder. "Go to sleep, Steve."

"Yeah, yeah," Steve mumbles, already half-asleep. "Warn you though, my feet still freeze." 

Bucky huffs a laugh, shifts until their legs are tangled together, Steve's feet like ice against Bucky's calves. "I got you."

Steve smiles, and lets himself finally fall asleep.

* * *

They're woken the next morning by Natasha ordering FRIDAY to play the loudest and most obnoxious alarm possible; Steve manages to flounder out of the bed(kicking Bucky in the shins as he did so) and order a cancel to that alarm, and glares at Natasha who just grins and tells them to get their asses out to the living room, they've got news.

'News,' it turns out, means 'Bucky's official pardon from the United Nations.' Stark is there, though he barely looks at the two supersoldiers as Steve wraps an arm around Bucky's shoulders. The pardon comes with the implicit condition that anything Bucky does now is going to be heavily scrutinized. Bucky had told Steve where the Hydra base with the other Winter Soldiers was located, and Steve passes the information along to Natasha, who - along with a few trustworthy agents - takes care of them before they can ever be activated. The base is confiscated, turned over to the agents attached to the Avengers Panel for a thorough search. With his plan finally fully foiled, Zemo confesses that he had planned to lead Iron Man, Captain America, and the Winter Soldier to the base and show Iron Man the traffic camera footage of the Winter Soldier killing his parents; he planned to let the Avengers tear each other apart.

That plan obviously failed, and gradually Tony starts spending more time with the rest of the Avengers, though he doesn't say much to Steve or Bucky until one night almost a month after Bucky had received his pardon. "You still worried about someone triggering you?" he asks, seemingly out of the blue just as FRIDAY is pulling up a documentary on Ancient Egypt at Steve's request. Steve pauses the documentary, looking at Tony in surprise; the billionaire isn't looking at Bucky just yet, focused on his tablet, but to Steve it looks like he's just poking randomly at the screen as he waits for an answer.

Bucky looks stricken only for a split second before his expression shutters and he becomes Barnes for the first time in weeks. "Of course," he says, is careful not to snap. "There's not a whole lot I can do about it, though, short of going back on ice." He pointedly looks anywhere but at Steve when he says this, because it's been something that he's been considering in the dead of night when Steve is asleep and fears of the future are haunting him far more than the ghosts of his past.

"Yeah, bet Capsicle doesn't want that," Tony says, still not looking up.

"Tony," Steve says warningly; if he's just going to wind Bucky up, then Steve will have no problem removing them from the equation.

"No, look," Tony says, sighing like it's a burden to look up and actually look at Steve and Barnes for the first time in weeks. "I have this... thing. BARF. I need to work on the name, but it might... be able to help."

"Help how?" Barnes asks.

"It can alter memories," Tony explains. "Your triggers are deeper than just memories, so maybe we might need Wanda or Vision to help get deeper, but it's possible we can do something. Break the programming, maybe change the triggers. So if someone tries to use the old ones, they won't work."

Barnes glances at Steve. "Have you used it before?" he asks, the question directed at Tony.

"I have," Tony says. "It works to alter your perception of the memory, which probably won't be helpful for you, but it does let you replay the memory almost like it's a movie. It'll let us see exactly what those whackjobs at Hydra did, and we have someone who can look through your head without harming it."

"What if reliving the memory is enough to trigger me?" Barnes presses.

"You're surrounded by superheroes," Tony points out. "And this compound has been built to withstand pretty much anything they can throw at it. "We can activate FRIDAY's lockdown protocols, and you won't be able to hurt anyone who's not in the room with you."

"And who will be in the room with me?"

"Myself, obviously - it's my tech," Tony says, ticking off names on his fingers. "Capsicle probably won't want to be left out, and Wanda, if she agrees to help. Maybe Vision." 

Barnes nods slowly, looks back at Steve. "Can't hurt to try, right?"

"No," Steve says, cutting off whatever smart remark Tony had waiting. "No, I don't think so. If everyone's willing, then I say we should give this a shot." 

Bucky smiles. "Then let's do it."

* * *

It takes a week to get everything ready, including Steve letting Wanda practice on his own mind rather than Bucky's. She's good, he has to admit, when he can all but feel small, inconsequential memories(like what he had for breakfast on June 27, 1936) change, and when he lets her change a larger one, a bigger memory - she doesn't touch any of the ones concerning Bucky, for reasons Steve really hopes she doesn't share, but she does change one of his memories at Camp Lehigh. It's one where he was, yet again, being pushed around and taunted by the other men, except Wanda changes it so that he fights back, and actually wins. When she's done, Steve can't even remember what the true memory was, except that he didn't actually win. 

Wanda will have to go deeper into Bucky's mind, of course, but she's promised to take it slow. The Avengers have each come up with different words in different languages, the better to confuse anyone who might try to figure out the new triggers. Maybe an unnecessary precaution, but they all agreed that they couldn't have a repeat of what happened in Berlin; who knew if they'd be able to stop Bucky a second time if he was triggered again? 

The night before the procedure finds Bucky and Steve sharing Bucky's air mattress again; Steve's been spending the night down there more often than not since that first time, and once again they're curled up against each other, though this time Steve is the one holding Bucky. Steve eventually breaks the silence they'd fallen into. "Did you mean it?" he asks quietly; this is something that's been bothering him ever since Bucky brought it up a week ago. "About wanting to go back on ice." 

Bucky hesitates, but for all that he's been keeping this to himself, he can't lie to Steve now that he's been asked outright. "I've thought about it," he says. "If Stark's experiment tomorrow doesn't work, I'll probably think about it more."

Steve swallows, nods. "You're sure?" 

"Yeah," Bucky says. "I never want to be used like that again; I never want to hurt anyone like that. Least of all you."

Steve nods again. "I get that," he says quietly. "I guess I'd feel the same if I were you. I just hope this works." 

"So do I," Bucky says, with a hint of a smile. "I made someone a promise, and I'd hate to not be able to keep it."

It takes Steve a moment to place what Bucky's talking about, and then he smiles slightly. "Good," he says softly, pleased. 

Bucky sighs, shuffles ever so slightly closer to Steve. "Yeah? I'm not too much of a pain in the ass for you to keep around?"

"Pain in my nose, maybe," Steve teases. "But I think I'll keep you around anyway." 

Bucky laughs, rolls his eyes. "You're big enough to take the hits now, at least."

Steve grins. "That I am," he agrees. "Never thought I'd get bigger than 'shrimp,' huh?" 

"Not for a second," Bucky agrees. "Thought I was seeing things, the first time."

Steve chuckles. "Don't blame you; it was a hell of a thing to live through, I could barely believe it myself." 

"Did it hurt?" Bucky asks, though he's sure he's asked before.

"Like a bitch," Steve answers. "I had to get several injections, then the serum was activated by VitaRays from Howard's machine; they made me grow over a foot and doubled my body mass." 

"Yeah, they did," Bucky says, wiggling a hand free to give Steve's bicep an appreciative squeeze. "Never could get a single dame to look at me when you were in the room."

Steve flushes, grateful for the dark that helps hide it. "Never wanted them to look at me," he confesses. 

Bucky winces, and he squeezes Steve's arm again. "Nah," he agrees softly. "You only had eyes for one girl."

_Not just her,_ Steve thinks, but he doesn't say anything besides, "Yeah, just one girl." He smiles slightly at the thought of Peggy; she'd been an amazing woman, and damn if Steve wouldn't have liked the chance to get to know her better, even if it would only have been as friends.

"She sure was something," Bucky murmurs. "But we don't have to talk about that."

Steve gives Bucky a grateful smile. "Thanks. It's been several years since I woke up, but... It still feels sometimes like it was only yesterday we were working together in the SSR to take down the first Hydra bases."

Bucky's answering smile is a little sad. "I wish I could say the same."

Steve wraps an arm around Bucky's torso, hugging the other man as best he can. "I wish you could, too." 

* * *

The next morning finds Bucky reclining in a chair hauntingly similar to the one Hydra used to mind-wipe him, his hands instinctively resting on the arms despite the fact that there are no restraints. Tony doesn't think they'll be necessary, but Bucky has made a point of refusing them anyway. Even restraint-free, however, Bucky goes tense all over as soon as he sits down, his eyes wide and a little wild as they dart all over the room. There's nothing really there, just a few props to aid his memory, but that doesn't help matters. He's terrified.

Steve is sitting next to Bucky, and he reaches out to take the other's hand. "You're okay," he says. "It's just memories; they can't hurt you anymore." 

Tony nods as he checks over the machinery. "That's true; it will look and feel real, but you're actually safe here in the lab. Unless DUM-E decides you need a hit of fire extinguisher." 

Bucky isn't even remotely ashamed of how tight he grips Steve's hand. "Remind me again how all of this is supposed to work?" he asks of Stark.

"Basically, I’m going to hijack your hippocampus," Tony explains. "We know when you were found by Hydra, and we have some of Hydra's files, so we should be able to get right to your programming. Wanda needs to watch, to see how they did it the first time so that she can replicate the process to change the words. You're going to have to go through this more than once." 

"And if the memory sets me off? You can stop me?"

Tony nods, waving at first Wanda and then where his suit is standing nearby. "She can hold you in place with her little mist trick, then Cap and I can do some cognitive recalibration on you." 

Bucky nods. "Okay," he says. "Let's get on with it."

Tony nods. "The first few moments will hurt," he warns. "The chair has to find the hippocampus and override the brain's control." When he'd made his presentation to MIT, he'd only needed the glasses; that had been an easy memory with only one alteration, though. This was going much deeper, and they'd have to fight through a lot of brain-breaking. Tony had studied the files on the Winter Soldier and Hydra's electric chair, and honestly it was a miracle that Bucky had survived as many sittings as he had. 

Bucky nods, releases Steve's hand so that he can grip the arms of the chair. "Do it."

* * *

Stark was right; it does hurt. Bucky doesn't scream, because he's endured far worse, but he does bite his bottom lip until it bleeds - and then Stark, Steve, the room itself falls away, and he's back in Siberia, and a man is shouting at him in Russian, repeating the same ten words over and over and over...

The Asset, Barnes, The Winter Soldier, Bucky, _whoever he is_ isn't aware of much of anything after that. The procedure takes hours, though, and he feels every second of them in his bones when he finally opens his eyes to see Wanda gathering the last of the red mist back into her hands. He looks over at Steve next, but he doesn't find any comfort in the warmth of his blue eyes. "Did it work?"

Steve gives Bucky a tight smile. "We're about to find out," he says, nodding towards a camera. 

This time it's Natasha's turn to say the words. 

Bucky fights as hard as he can, and when it's over and the Russian woman stops speaking, the Soldier is still warring with Bucky for dominance behind his eyes. There's a moment's pause, and then Natasha speaks again.

" _Soldier?_ "

Bucky flinches away from the sound. " _No_ ," he says, and then again in English. "No."

Steve and Tony exchange looks, and Steve knows what he has to say, even though he hates it. "Order him to attack me," he says quietly. 

There's a pause, and then, " _The blond man to your right. Mission level eight._ " 

Bucky turns to blink at Steve, but it's the Soldier who sits up abruptly, his metal hand already balled into a fist. He's halfway off the chair by the time Bucky becomes aware enough to stop himself. "No," he says again, and his voice shakes. " _Please_."

"Steve..."

From the corner of his eye, Steve can see red mist swirling around Wanda's fingers, some of it drifting around Bucky's head, and he shoots Bucky a pleading look, begging for his forgiveness; they need to push this further if Wanda's going to find out where she went wrong and fix it. "Nat. Further."

There's a moment of silence, and then her voice snaps out, " _Soldier, now!_ "

All traces of Bucky vanish, and the Winter Soldier swings his metal fist at Steve's face.

Tony and Steve manage to subdue Bucky after a few moments' fighting(and a few pieces of broken machinery), and then Steve runs some cognitive recalibration. By which he means, he hits Bucky over the head with his shield; it was the same technique that Natasha had used to knock Clint out of Loki's hold and remove Bucky from the Soldier’s influence before, and Bucky goes limp in Steve's arms. "Buck?" he asks, worried when Bucky stirs slightly. "You there?"

It takes Bucky a moment, but then he groans, and pulls back just enough to blink as Steve. "What happened?"

Steve breathes a sigh of relief. "Natasha ordered you to attack me; you resisted, and we had to have her push. Then I, uh - I hit you with the shield. In the head."

"I attacked you?" Bucky asks sharply, breaking out of Steve's hold. "Christ, Steve, I'm--"

"Hey, no," Steve says, grabbing Bucky's chin and forcing the other one to look at him. "Natasha _ordered_ you to attack me. Because _I_ told her to. I'm sorry that we had to push it, but Wanda needed to see what happened so she can fix it when you're ready to try again. You fought it, almost won, but we had to push. I'm sorry for that, but you have nothing to be sorry for."

Bucky doesn't look convinced, but he nods, glances at Wanda and Stark. "I want to try again."

Steve exchanges a look with Tony, who shrugs. "Any normal person, I'd say wait a day - we're basically doing brain surgery here. But he's got the serum, same healing factor, so if he wants to have another go, I don't have any objections." 

Bucky nods, gets back into the chair. "Then do it."

* * *

The clock on the wall reads 12:09AM by the time Wanda finally announces that she's done; everyone in the room has a hopeful expression on their face, though they're all clearly attempting to temper it as Natasha starts reading off the words over the intercom once more.

This time, there's no struggle. As soon as Natasha starts to speak, Bucky just goes lax in the chair like a puppet whose strings have been cut; when it's over, he leans forward, his eyes dark, and utters a single Russian phrase.

Steve's heart sinks to somewhere around his shoes - and then he hears Natasha laughing over the intercom. "You're not the one I'd pick for that," she snickers. "Welcome back, Barnes."

Bucky looks up then, and grins a surprisingly boyish grin. "I think it worked."

"What - really?" Steve asks, hardly daring to believe that it worked on only the second try.

"You want to test it?" Bucky asks. "Tell Natasha to order me to attack you again."

"Nat?" Steve asks, not looking away from Bucky. 

"On it. _Soldier, the blond man to your right. Mission level eight._ " 

Bucky doesn't break eye contact either, but he does get out of his seat and come at Steve. Before anyone has a chance to react, he grabs Steve by the shoulders and hauls him in for a bone-crushing hug.

Steve tenses, but when it becomes clear that Bucky's still himself, he doesn't hesitate to return the hug, hugging Bucky tightly enough that he's almost surprised he doesn't hear ribs crack. "You're still here." 

"Yep," Bucky says, his smug grin evident in his voice. "Not goin' anywhere, pal."

"Good," Steve mutters, hugging Bucky tighter. "You better not." 

* * *

Not even two weeks later, Doctor Doom attacks New York City; it's the second time the Avengers have dealt with him, but the first time since Bucky returned. He's benched for this fight, except in case of emergency, but the Avengers have everything under control - until a Doombot throws Steve off of the top of Wall Street. He goes through most of the third floor of the building next to him before he manages to get his feet back under himself - and then the Doombot follows. By the time Tony manages to shut down the central control, Steve's in critical condition. His heart actually stops on the way back to the compound, and even his advanced healing has only barely kicked in by the time that Bucky is allowed in. It's a full day before Steve wakes up, and another before he's released from the medical ward.

That night finds Steve and Bucky, as they've taken to doing since the reprogramming was successful, curled up together on Bucky's bed. Steve's still sore in a lot of places - including his left arm, which is gingerly draped over Bucky's ribs and still healing from a compound fracture. "Sorry for worrying you," Steve mutters, still just a little loopy from the pain medications that were developed especially for him.

"You don't have to be sorry," Bucky murmurs, stroking the fingers of his right hand gently through Steve's hair. It's the only place he can touch him without fear of hurting him. "Just let me come with you next time. Please? Let me have your back."

Steve sighs, leaning into the touch with a happy hum. "If it was up to me, you would - but it's not just up to me. 'S up to everyone else on the team, and the panel. Gotta be ratified." 

Bucky snorts. "I think you mean approved, pal," he teases, before he sighs. "I just hate sitting at home doing nothing while you're out there getting your ass kicked. It goes against the grain."

Steve smiles. "I know it does," he says soothingly. "But we can bring it up to everyone else tomorrow; we get the ball rolling, you'll be ready to go in no time." 

Bucky nods, grudgingly satisfied. "Let's see if we can keep you out of the hospital next time, huh?"

Steve makes a rude noise in the back of his throat. "I don't usually end up in hospitals, jerk. Usually I just get some tough love from Nat or Bruce." They'd finally heard from Banner; he wasn't ready to return to the compound just yet, but he was willing to call and occasionally text. 

Bucky smirks. "Do I wanna ask?"

Steve thwacks him on the chest with his good hand. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Barnes," he laughs. 

"Hey," Bucky says, catching Steve's hand and threading their fingers together. "Careful now. Wouldn't want you to pull anything."

Steve grins, squeezing Bucky's hand lightly. "Takes more than knocking some sense into someone to make me pull something," he says confidently. 

"Oh yeah?" Bucky asks, grinning back. "Don't you think knocking sense into me is a lost cause by now?"

Steve laughs. "Lost causes are kind of our thing," he says. "Lot of people would've called me a lost cause, before." 

"Never," Bucky argues. "You've always been worth ten of anyone who said otherwise, even back then."

Steve's smile goes soft, contemplative. "I told Tony that, back on the first Avengers mission," he says thoughtfully. "He was going on about how he had money and power, or something - " the pain meds and his current comfortable position were making his memory a bit fuzzy " - and I told him I knew guys with none of that worth ten of him. Course, then I got to know him, and he's not actually as much of a dick as he likes to present himself."

Bucky hums in agreement. "I guess he's okay," he agrees. "I still like you better though."

Steve grins. "I like you better, too," he says, the medication loosening his tongue. 

Bucky's gaze softens, and he squeezes the hand in his just a little. "Christ, Steve."

Steve frowns slightly. "What?" he asks, suddenly worried he overstepped some invisible boundary. 

Bucky shakes his head, squeezes Steve's hand again. "I just-- Sometimes I look at you and all I can see is that scrawny kid you used to be. And then other times I can't see him at all."

"Oh," Steve says; the smile comes back, but this time it's a little sad. "You're not the only one; there's a lot of days I don't see him in the mirror, either." 

"It's not a bad thing," Bucky says. "And it's not all the time. What I mean is, when you're out there fighting or when you're kicking back with the team, I can see exactly who you've become, who I always knew you could be, and I'm so damn proud. But when you come home like this, it's real easy to forget that you don't need me lookin' after you anymore."

"I'll always need you," Steve says firmly. "You're my Bucky." 

Bucky smiles softly. "I am," he agrees.

"If you're my Bucky," Steve says thoughtfully, though there's something vulnerable in his expression, something that suggests he wouldn’t be saying this if he wasn’t still under the influence of the pain medication, "then am I your Steve?" 

"Of course," Bucky says, because he can never refuse Steve anything, least of all the truth. "Always."

Steve hides his pleased smile by scooting closer, pressing himself further into Bucky's personal space. "Good," he murmurs. 

With Steve this close and warm against him, it's the most natural thing in the world for Bucky to bow his head and brush a tender kiss onto Steve's temple. Half a heartbeat later, they both freeze.

Steve recovers first, pulling back just enough to look at Bucky, his eyes wide. "Buck?" he asks, voice oddly breathless. 

Bucky recoils so fast that he topples right off the mattress and onto the floor. "Shit," he hisses. "Fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry, I don't--"

"Wait, Bucky, no - " Steve stammers, trying to disentangle himself from the blankets and hissing when the movement jostles his sore arm. 

"Don't," Bucky says, and suddenly he's up in Steve's space, a gentle hand in the middle of his chest pushing him back down onto the pillows. "Don't hurt yourself. I just-- I have to go."

"Bucky, where - " but Bucky is gone before Steve can even finish his sentence, leaving the blond alone on their - _the_ bed. 

* * *

Bucky actually leaves the compound, and he doesn't go far but he stays out all night, just sitting in a field somewhere and staring at the stars. They have no answers for him, and he has none for them, but it's quiet and peaceful and eventually the clamour inside his head dies down. By the time he gets off his ass and starts to head back, the sun is just beginning to rise, and he knows what he has to do.

Steve looks like he's just finished getting dressed when Bucky appears in the doorway to his room, and selfishly, Bucky's grateful for that, grateful that he hadn't happened across him still in bed or, God forbid, half-naked. He hasn't had nearly enough sleep in the last week, let alone the last night, to be able to stop whatever his face would do at the sight of a shirtless Steve, and that just would make this conversation so much harder. "Hey," he says quietly, not quite meeting Steve's gaze. "You sure you should be on your feet yet?"

"Yes," Steve says shortly, not looking at Bucky once it's clear the other can barely stand to look at him. "Everything's fine now, except for a bit of residual soreness." 

"Well take it easy, okay?" Bucky asks. "At least for today."

Steve sighs, finishing with his shoelaces. "I don't need to take it easy, Bucky. I'm fine." 

"Yeah, you look it," Bucky says before he can help himself.

Steve doesn't say anything, but then he looks up at Bucky; he's got dark circles under his eyes, indicative of his lack of sleep. "I don't have time for games, Buck," he says tiredly. "I have to go make my report about what happened with the Doombots, and Tony wants to bounce some ideas for my suit around." 

Bucky looks down, shamefaced. "I don't want to play games with you," he says softly. "That's the last thing I want, Steve, I'm sorry."

"Why did you leave last night, then?"

Bucky doesn't see the point in lying, not yet. "Because I freaked out."

"Why?"

"Oh come on, Steve," Bucky almost snaps. "You know why!"

"No, I don't!" Steve _does_ snap. "All I know is we were laying down together, talking, you kissed me on the temple and then bolted!" 

Bucky sighs. "Look, Steve, I'm sorry, all right?" he says tiredly. "I was tired, and I was worried about you, and it's no excuse, okay, I know that, but I got carried away and I shouldn't have. I just want you to know that you don't have to worry. It won't happen again."

"What, exactly, won't happen again?" Steve demands. "Because I honestly have no clue what you're talking about, Buck." 

"I'm not gonna kiss you again!" Bucky cries.

Steve blinks. "Kiss me - Buck. You kissed me _on the temple._ What is so wrong about that?" 

"I saw the look on your face, Steve, we both know what you thought," Bucky says. "And it's not like that, okay? I'm not..." He hesitates, looking uncomfortable, and now's the time to lie. " _That way_."

The blood drains from Steve's face - he hadn't thought that he'd been obvious. "You - " He clears his throat. "That's fine," he says, a bit lamely. "It's, it's fine. If that's what you... That's fine." Steve shoves himself to his feet, heading for the door. "I gotta - go. Report. I'll see you later." 

* * *

Bucky doesn't see Steve again until dinner, when they meet awkwardly at the kitchen door. Bucky hangs back to let Steve pass, but it turns out it made no difference; the others are all already seated, and the only two chairs left are right next to each other. When Steve hesitates just inside the doorway, Bucky sighs and takes one of the seats, keeping his gaze on his plate as Tony speaks up.

"Everything okay, Cap?"

Steve jerks in place like Tony shocked him. "What? Yeah, sorry - tail end of the meds, you know how it is." He takes the last remaining chair, shifting it slightly to the side in what he hopes is a subtle move to put just a little more space between him and Bucky. 

If the expression on Nat's face is anything to go by, it isn't as subtle as he hopes. 

"It is not like you two to be late," Pietro points out, waving the salad tongs in the air emphatically. "Has something happened?" 

Tony snorts, and Bucky thinks he hears him mutter, _Subtle_ , but he goes ignored. "I lost track of time in the gym," Bucky says, and it's not even a lie; he's freshly-showered, in sweats and a long-sleeved tee, his damp hair pulled back in a messy bun. "I don't know what Steve's been up to."

"Paperwork," Steve supplies, accepting the plate of pork chops from Nat. "Still had to make my report about Doom's attack." 

Natasha nods. "Fair enough," she says. "What about everyone else?" 

"Oh, I spent the day in my lab," Tony answers.

"Vision and I hung out," Wanda says, with a small, pleased smile. "We watched a movie."

"I was playing around with Redwing; controls are a bit slow, by the way, Tony," Sam says. 

"I was running an obstacle course," Pietro says. "Stark's bots and security are still too slow." 

Natasha rolls her eyes, but her expression's fond. "DUM-E can only go so fast, Pietro," she says with a slight laugh. "Machines don't work as fast as computers and you." 

"Which us why I am a goal to strive for," Pietro points out. "If Stark's security can catch me - even on camera - then it can catch anything." 

"We're working on it," Tony promises with a smile. "It's just a matter of time."

Pietro smirks. "A few years, maybe," he boasts. 

"My brother," Wanda chuckles. "Always so modest."

"So, Buck," Sam says, voice pleasant - pleasant enough that Steve's instantly on guard. "I heard raised voices this morning - did Steve take the last of your Metamucil?" 

Bucky grits his teeth and doesn't look up. "It was nothing."

"Really? Because it takes a lot to get Steve riled up like that," Sam says with a raised eyebrow, ignoring the kick Natasha gives his shin. 

Bucky does glance up then, only to shoot Sam an acerbic look. "Mind your own, okay?"

"Well, see, Steve's my friend," Sam starts, pointing at the man in question - who has buried his face in his hands - with his fork. "So if something's upsetting him, I want to know." 

"With all due respect," Bucky growls, "if you're implying that I would ever treat him badly, I may have to hit you."

"Well, maybe you wouldn't hit him - "

" _Sam!_ " 

" - But you may upset him," Sam finishes. "Sorry Cap, I'm not gonna stay quiet on this one." 

"On what, exactly?" Bucky snaps. "What do you think has happened?"

Sam waves his fork at Bucky this time; by now, the whole table has gone quiet. "I don't know - all I know is something happened last night, because when I got Steve up for breakfast, he was alone in the room and you were nowhere to be found. Then when I walk past later, you and him are yelling at each other, then Steve walks out of there looking like you stabbed him." 

Bucky looks at Steve, then, who still isn't looking at anyone. "Maybe it isn't me you should be asking, you ever think of that?"

"I did," Sam says, expression hardening. "Got some bullshit excuse." 

"Well who am I to speak for Steve?" Bucky demands. "I don't know him half as well as I used to; I'm not a mind-reader."

"But you can speak for yourself," Sam says, eyes narrowed. "And Steve's my friend as well; I don't take kindly to people upsetting my friends." 

Bucky snarls, tightens the clench of his fists, and Tony inhales sharply; Bucky follows his gaze to his right hand, and sees that he's all but crushed the fork he's holding. He drops it onto the table. "Well, you don't have to worry," he says, getting to his feet. "It won't happen again."

Sam watches him with a raised eyebrow, and everyone else - including Steve - looks at Bucky in surprise; a few of them are sporting wary looks as well. "Buck?" Steve asks cautiously.

The look Bucky gives Steve in return is tired and resigned and just a little hurt. "I've lost my appetite," he says, and leaves the room.

* * *

Bucky doesn't come back to their room that night, and Steve doesn't seem him when he leaves to go on his usual morning run with Sam - although it's quieter than usual, Steve still upset and just a little angry that Sam cornered Bucky like that at _dinner_ , for god's sake. It's not until Steve comes back in, and sees Bucky folding up the deflated air mattress, a duffel bag on the bed, that Steve thinks that maybe things have gone too far past saving. "Bucky?" he asks cautiously. "What're you doing?"

Bucky looks at Steve over his shoulder, spares a small smile before he turns back to his task. "Couldn't sleep on your floor forever, could I?"

"No," Steve says, doesn't mention how he'd been thinking that maybe - been _hoping_ that maybe Bucky would want to sleep in Steve's bed, but obviously - 

Well, obviously he'd been wrong about more things than he'd thought. "Stark give you one of the spare rooms?" he asks, almost casual enough.

"Yep," Bucky says, this time without looking around. "I thought it was time I got out of your hair."

 _Oh._ "Oh," Steve says, clearing his throat. "That's - okay. Don't guess you need any help moving your stuff?"

Bucky points to the duffel bag. "That's all I got."

"Right, yeah," Steve says, shuffling awkwardly out of the doorway. "I guess I'll just - I was just grabbing another pair of sweatpants."

"It's your room," Bucky reminds him, a hint of a smile in his voice. "You don't have to walk on eggshells around me."

_Right,_ Steve thinks. _No reason to be nervous at all, no reason to be careful._ Nevermind the fact that apparently, his best friend he thought was dead, that he'd never get to see again, apparently caught on to Steve's more-than-friendly feelings and was uncomfortable enough to want to leave his room - and to try to do so while Steve was out. "Of course," he mutters, moving to the dresser and hastily snagging a new pair of sweatpants, tossing them and a new shirt over his shoulder. "I'm going to go shower. Hope you like your new room."

"Steve," Bucky says, turning to face him fully. He looks upset. "I know it's my fault, but I don't want things to be weird between us. Just-- Take your time, okay? I'll be here when you're ready."

Steve has to look way, jaw going tight before he says, "It's not your fault. I'll see you later." And then he's gone. 

* * *

Now that he's got his own room, Bucky finds it a lot easier to stay out of everyone's way - but apparently the team won't let him avoid them forever, as he discovers when he gets back from a run one afternoon. "I could've sworn I locked this," he says conversationally, tossing his jacket next to Natasha on the bed. "What can I do for you?"

"Locks are meaningless here," Natasha says dismissively. "You've been avoiding us. Mostly Steve, but all of us." 

"Which should tell you that I don't want visitors."

"It's starting to affect the team," Natasha says flatly. "So talk: what the hell is going on?" 

"Listen," Bucky snaps, suddenly irate. "If people are trying to imply that I've been _abusing_ Steve then I really am gonna start hittin' people. I've been keeping my distance _for_ Steve, not to hurt him!"

"I don't know about abusing him - personally I don't think you'd be capable of it - but obviously something happened that upset both of you," Natasha says patiently.

And just like that, Bucky's walls snap back into place. "I don't want to talk about it."

Natasha sighs. "Of course you don't. Look, even if you don't talk with me, you need to talk to Steve. Seriously, he's moping like a kicked puppy, and it's getting annoying." 

Bucky sighs. "I've told him that I'm here when he's ready to talk to me."

"And how available have you made yourself, exactly?"

Bucky scowls, looking for all the world like a petulant child. "He knows where I am," he says. "I'm not going to force my presence on him when he doesn't want to see me."

Natasha just looks at him for a moment before sighing. "Honestly, you both are such _idiots._ " 

Bucky scowls. "What?"

"Go talk to him, or at least quit avoiding us all," Natasha orders. "I'm not going to spill Cap's secrets, but just - just talk to him. Communication is always key, and it's almost always the boys who forget that." 

Bucky sighs as he sits down heavily beside Natasha. "What if I can't give him what he wants? I don't want to leave again, but if it's what he needs--"

"The absolute last thing Rogers wants is for you to leave," Natasha says firmly, turning so she can face Bucky better. "Steve's your friend, Bucky. And I know he considers himself damned lucky to have you any way he can get you." 

"You really think I should talk to him?"

"Yes, I do," Natasha says, this time with an encouraging smile. "No problem was ever solved by sitting around with your thumbs up your ass." 

"Well I'll give you that," Bucky agrees. "All right. All right, I'll talk to him."

"Good," Natasha says, satisfied. 

Except Steve beats Bucky to it. 

They're all in the living room, Steve, Sam, and a visiting Clint watching an _America's Funniest Videos_ rerun, and the others are all occupying themselves. It's been two weeks since Bucky moved out of Steve's room, and for the past week Bucky's been acting even weirder around Steve. Steve's about had it with Bucky's bull, and when he catches Bucky hastily looking away from him for the seventh time in an hour, he snaps. " _What_ is your problem?" he demands, shoving himself off of the couch and coming to stand directly in front of Bucky. 

Bucky looks up at Steve with wide eyes that look just a little scared and a whole lot sad. "Nothing," he says. "I-- I'm sorry."

Steve's aware that he's looming, so he backs up a step or two; his goal here is to figure out what's going on with Bucky, not make the other man clam up even further. "Really?" he asks, vaguely aware of the rest of the team quickly leaving the room. "Because you've been avoiding me for _two weeks,_ Buck." 

Bucky looks anguished. "I was trying to stay out of your way, give you some time."

"Give me time?" Steve repeats, incredulous. "To _what?_ Pull my big-boy pants on and behave like a goddamn adult - to behave like I have been since we were _sixteen?_ " 

Bucky's jaw drops. "It hasn't been that long," he argues, and then nearly _bites his tongue off_. "I mean, it hasn't been-- at all."

"Yes, it has," Steve says. "for God's sake, Buck, I've been dealing with this for literal decades. You think I haven't fucking learned how to act like an adult?" 

The bottom drops out of Bucky's stomach. "Steve, you're wrong," he insists, desperate. "I'm not-- I'm not _like that_ , I swear."

"Yeah, you made that crystal _fucking_ clear," Steve snarls - and normally he tries to restrict his swearing, but right now he's too pissed to care. "And you made it clear before the war, too - Like I said, I've been dealing with this since we were sixteen, believe me, I long ago came to terms with the fact that you're straight as a yardstick. But the fact that you think now, for whatever reason, I can't handle just being your friend is - frankly - insulting." 

"What?" Bucky demands, pushing himself to his feet but not getting any closer to Steve than he can help. "Are you-- what? _What?_ "

"Am I what?" Steve asks, scowling. "You know damn well 'what', Buck. Look, I'm not stupid, I'm just upset and a little offended. So I've been in love with you for decades - it's old news to pretty much _everyone,_ and I know how to keep it under wraps. I've managed to be your friend all this time, Buck; I'm not sure why you think that's about to change." 

Bucky feels like he should probably sit back down again, but he can't seem to bring himself to move. When he finally manages to speak, his voice comes out small and more vulnerable than he's ever heard it. "Steve?"

Steve sighs, scrubbing both hands over his face. "I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't have yelled." 

Bucky swallows hard, and tries again. "Steve," he says. "What the _fuck_ are you talking about?"

Steve frowns, confusion creeping over his features. "I - I'm talking about how you, I guess, figured out my feelings towards you were more... romantic than friendly, and started acting like I couldn't be an adult about not having my feelings returned." 

"That's not-- that's not it," Bucky says quietly. "God, Steve, I had no idea."

Steve pauses, and then looks at Bucky. "You - didn't?" 

"No!" Bucky insists. "I thought you were mad because I-- because I'm..."

"Because you're what, Bucky?" Steve asks carefully; if this whole thing's been a misunderstanding, Steve's not sure what he'll do. 

"Because I'm a _pervert_ ," Bucky says, sounding as helpless as he feels.

Now some things were starting to make sense. "Why do you think that?" Steve asks, has to ask because he doesn't want there to be anymore miscommunication. 

"Because I want you," Bucky says, and he deflates suddenly, like all the fight has left him. "God, because you make me feel... all twisted up inside. Because I never felt like this with a dame, but when I'm with you, Steve, when I'm with you everything's different."

Steve shakes his head. "That doesn't make you a pervert," he promises. "I thought the same thing when I first woke up, but it's not wrong to feel like that, Buck." 

"It is," Bucky insists. "It's _illegal_ , it's _disgusting_ , it's--"

"It's neither of those, Buck," Steve says quietly. "It's not illegal, not anymore. And it's not disgusting - loving someone is _never_ disgusting." 

"What?" Bucky asks again, blinking. " _What?_ "

"It's not illegal," Steve repeats, because he thinks that's the part Bucky's hung up on. "Hasn't been for years." 

Bucky exhales sharply through his nose, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side. "I don't understand," he admits.

Steve takes a chance, stepping forward to take Bucky's hand - the metal one - in his own. "I don't really understand it all myself," he admits. "It happened while I was still frozen. But it's real, Buck. People aren't arrested for it anymore. There's still assholes who'll beat someone up for wanting someone the same sex as they are, but the law's starting to change to where the assholes are the ones in trouble when that happens." 

Bucky hesitates, looks down at their hands. "And-- you..?"

"Are no more a pervert than you are," Steve finishes firmly. 

" _Steve_ ," Bucky breathes. "Since we were _sixteen?_ "

The corner of Steve's mouth quirks up. "Yeah," he says, looking down at their hands. "Pretty pathetic, right?" 

"No," Bucky says, with as much conviction as he just called himself a pervert, because Steve could never be pathetic. "I came back for you. I fought decades of Hydra's conditioning for you."

"Yeah, you did," Steve agrees with a slight smile. 

Bucky sighs, squeezes Steve's hand. "I'm gonna need some time," he says.

Steve smiles. "I get that. Take all the time you need." 

"It's not you, though," Bucky says, because he needs Steve to understand. "I didn't run because of you. I just... I gotta sort all this out in my head."

Steve gives Bucky's hand one last squeeze. "I know," he says, letting go of his hand and taking a step back. "I'll be here when you're ready, okay?" 

Bucky manages a smile. "Thanks."

* * *

There are only two people in the entire world that Bucky would ever want to talk to about this, and he's already told Steve to piss off, so he goes to Brooklyn. He doesn't look around their old neighbourhood, doesn't look up their apartment building to see if it's still there, because it probably isn't and he doesn't want to know either way. Instead, he heads straight to the local cemetery, finds the grave he wants, and sits his ass down.

"Hey, Mrs R," he says quietly, reaching out to trace the letters on the headstone with a fingertip. "Sarah. Been a while." Over seventy years, but who's counting? "I, uh, I don't really know how to say this with tact so I'm just gonna say it, okay? I... I'm in love with your son. And he says he's in love with me back, has been since we were sixteen even, but I only found out a couple days ago. I had no idea, I swear. And I'd never have gone near him if he hadn't said it was mutual, but now that he has..." He sighs, admits in a whisper, "I want to. He's done so much for me; even after all this time he still wants me. He thought I was dead, Mrs R, and he still... And of course I still. I always have." He laughs. "It's _legal_ now, can you believe it? I bet you can. You were always way more liberal than the rest of us. But I just can't wrap my head around it. I've spent the better part of a century hating myself for this, pretending it didn't exist, but now I--"

A shadow falls across the headstone and Bucky whips around, his hand going to the hilt of the knife sheathed at his hip. His jaw drops.

"Ms Carter?"

Sharon offers Bucky an easy smile. "Hello, Mr. Barnes. Pleasure to see you again," she says. She's got a small, simple bouquet in her arms, and she nods to a nearby grave. "Sorry, I was going to put flowers on my grandmother's grave, and I couldn't help overhearing." 

Bucky nods, sniffs. "I didn't know you had family here," he says. "Small world, huh?"

"Sure is," Sharon agrees with a smile. She places the bouquet on the grave and spends a few moments by herself, quietly remembering her grandmother before she returns to Bucky's side. "Do you mind if I sit?" she asks softly. 

Bucky shrugs, his eyes back on Sarah's grave. "If you want."

Sharon settles herself on the ground next to Bucky, not caring about the dirt and grass that's sticking to her pants. "So, Steve finally admitted it, huh?" 

Bucky doesn't flinch, but it's a near thing. "You knew?"

"Suspected," Sharon says with a smile. "Sam and I talked a bit, after DC. He said some things about Steve's behavior that got me thinking, and then after what happened in London and Berlin..." 

Bucky shakes his head, looks down at his hands. "I don't understand it," he says. "How I could never have seen it."

Sharon shrugs. "From what you said, he's got a lot of practice hiding it." 

"So have I," Bucky says. He swallows hard. "I don't know what to do now."

"Well," Sharon says thoughtfully, "I guess that depends. Do you want a relationship with Steve? And all the work that comes with one?" 

Bucky shoots her a sharp look. "What kind of question is that?" he asks. "I'd die for him. I have died for him. I've been loving him his whole life; there's nothing hard about it."

"That's not a relationship, though," Sharon points out. "Well, not a romantic one, anyway. It's one thing to be someone's friend, one thing to love them - but it's another to actually be in a _relationship._ " 

"Well, he's worth it," Bucky says, no hesitation. "He's worth the whole world."

Sharon smiles. "Yeah?" 

Bucky smiles softly. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, he really is. I'm just not so sure that I am."

Sharon sighs. "That's not something I can help with, I'm afraid," she admits. "That's something you have to work through and come to terms with yourself. But I will say this: from what I've seen, you're still a good man. A good man who was forced to do terrible things, but a good man." 

Bucky sighs. "Maybe," he says. "Should you even be saying this shit to me? If Steve's been carrying a torch for me since we were sixteen, what does that say about Peggy?"

Sharon shrugs. "Honestly, I think Peggy knew," she says. "I remember asking her once if she loved Steve, and she told me that she did. I asked her if he loved her, and she said that she wasn't the only one Steve loved. But loving two people at once isn't a bad thing." 

Bucky nods, thoughtful. "What about you?" he asks. "Some of the guys think there was something between you."

Sharon doesn't answer immediately, gathering her thoughts. "There might have been, if I hadn't been watching him for SHIELD and had a chance to actually know him," she says after a few moments. "But I think now all we can be is friends." 

Bucky smiles at that. "I'd say I'm sorry," he says, "but if things work out the way I want them to, I don't think I can be."

Sharon grins. "I won't blame you; I'd feel the same in your place," she replies. "Seriously, I think you should go for it. Things are a lot different now than they were back then." 

Bucky glances warily back at Sarah's grave. "I just don't want to fuck him up, y'know? You said it yourself, it's one thing wanting someone and another actually having them. What if he realises it's all a mistake?"

"That's a risk that everyone in a relationship takes," Sharon says gently. 

Bucky takes a moment to consider that, and at last, he nods. "I guess I should go home."

Sharon smiles. "You should," she agrees. "I think Steve isn't the only one who might be a little worried about you. Did you tell anyone where you were going?" 

"No," Bucky says, because that never occurred to him. "They won't care. Steve knows I needed some space."

"They would care," Sharon disagrees. "From what Sam says, you're pretty much part of the team now." 

"Well, I'll put a call in. Let them know I'm on my way back."

"Good," Sharon says. "I'll leave you to it, then." 

Bucky smiles. "Thanks, Sharon."

"Anytime."

* * *

It's late when Bucky gets back, so he just goes straight to bed, and he's in the kitchen eating cereal when Sam comes in in the morning. He pauses long enough to raise his hand in greeting before he goes back to his breakfast. "Hey."

"Hey," Sam returns with a nod, gathering the ingredients for an omelette. "So, you disappeared yesterday." 

"I did," Bucky confirms. "I'm back now."

"Good," Sam says, a slight smile on his face as he cracks an egg over the skillet. "Where'd you go?" 

"To see an old friend," Bucky answers. "Had some things to talk out."

Sam nods, understanding. "Get everything sorted?" 

"Yeah, I think so."

"Awesome. Nat'll be happy to hear that; she didn't like that you just took off."

Bucky frowns. "Why?"

"Because she's your friend, dumbass," Sam says, though it's without heat - almost fond. "We all are." 

Bucky blinks. "I... didn't realise."

"Yeah, we gathered," Sam says lightly. "Still, we weren't all that surprised, not after the life you've had." 

Bucky nods slowly, trying to process. "I'll apologise to her," he says, "but I need to see Steve first."

Sam grins. "Sure you do. I think he's in the gym right now." 

Bucky finishes off his cereal and puts the bowl in the sink, wiping his mouth off on the back of his hand. "Wish me luck."

Sam waves with his spatula. "Good luck," he calls. 

* * *

Steve is lifting weights when he gets there, and Bucky stops to watch him for a few moments, because he thinks he's allowed to now. "Should you be doing that without anyone to spot you?" he asks.

Steve puts the bar back in its holder, sitting up to look at Bucky with a smile. "You're back," he says with a smile. "And I haven't even begun to push my limits yet, I was just killing time." 

Bucky smiles back. "I got in last night. You been here long?"

Steve glances at the clock. "About an hour," he decides. "Where'd you go?" 

Bucky looks a little shifty, but he doesn't lie. "To see your mom."

Steve's expression betrays his surprise. "Yeah?" he prompts, voice gentle. 

Bucky shrugs. "Mine was never all that good at talking about feelings and shit," he says. "And your mom... I think she knew."

Steve smiles, just a little. "I wouldn't be surprised," he says thoughtfully. "She was scary observant when she wanted to be." 

"Well, if she did know, she never kicked me out or warned me off of you," Bucky says, "so I figure that means she didn't mind."

"Mom always was a bit more... forward-thinking, I guess," Steve says fondly. "Did you get to talk out whatever was bothering you?" 

"Some," Bucky says. "But I think the person I really needed to talk to was you."

"Oh?"

"I'm in love with you," Bucky confesses - and then he laughs. "Christ, I never thought I'd get to say that out loud. Never thought I'd want to."

A slow smile steals over Steve's face, but it's just a little sad, too. "I know how you feel," he says, resting his elbows on his knees. "First time I let myself admit what I felt out loud was about a week after I woke up in a new century. Later, Fury asked me to join the Avengers Initiative, but he found me in a gym killing punching bags; I was there because it finally sank in that you were gone. Well and truly gone, because it'd been seventy years, and there was not a chance in hell of even recovering your body." 

Bucky spreads his hands in a _ta-da!_ kind of gesture. "Well," he says, "here I am."

"Here you are," Steve agrees, carefully getting to his feet and moving closer. 

"It's not the same," Bucky says, just as careful. "I'm not the same person who fell off that train. But, maybe... it's okay?"

Steve shrugs one shoulder. "I'm not the same person, either," he points out, a wry smile twisting his lips. "Be kind of hypocritical if I wasn't okay with you being different, too." 

"Well, the way I feel about you never changed," Bucky offers. "Except, y'know, the obvious."

The brainwashing. "Well, no one makes it to the future unscathed," Steve says lightly, though he's watching Bucky carefully. 

"You didn't come back with countless murders on your hands, though," Bucky says with a wry smile.

"I didn't," Steve agrees. "And I know I can't know what that's like." He moves closer, almost within arm's reach. "But I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you want, I'll give you." 

Bucky takes a breath, doesn't close the distance between them just yet. "What if what I want is you?"

"Then you have me," Steve says. "However you want me." 

"A little bird told me that it's really hard work, being in a... relationship," Bucky says. "Are you sure I'm worth all that?"

"You're worth everything," Steve says, his conviction clear in his voice. 

Bucky huffs a soft breath, lets the corners of his mouth quirk up. "That'd be you."

"You're worth just as much," Steve disagrees, though he's smiling too. "Just because you were forced to do terrible things doesn't negate that." 

Bucky doesn't look convinced, but his smile doesn't fade. "I can't believe this is real," he says quietly, reaching out to slip his hand cautiously into Steve's. "That I can do this... and it's okay."

"It does take some getting used to," Steve admits, giving Bucky's hand a careful squeeze. "But I think it's nice." 

"How did you find out?" Bucky asks softly.

"SHIELD gave me a computer, and I saw a news article about it," Steve answers. "It was the day before Fury found me in the gym." 

"What did you think?"

"That it was a joke," Steve admits. "Something to draw people out to be arrested. But then I did some research and found out it wasn't a joke. Then I was mad that it came decades too late for us." 

Bucky squeezes Steve's hand. "We have a second chance now."

"Yeah, we do," Steve agrees. "Does that mean you're willing to take it?" 

Bucky swallows, nods. "I want to."

Steve smiles. "Well, all we can do is try." 

Bucky smiles back, even manages a laugh. "What's a guy gotta do to get a hug around here?"

Steve grins. "C'mere," he says, voice low and intimate as he tugs Bucky forward so he can wrap his arms around the other man. 

Bucky goes willingly, hides his face in Steve's shoulder and dares to press a soft kiss there. "Wanted to do this forever," he rasps.

Steve smiles, arms tightening around Bucky. "Well, you can have a hug anytime you want." 

"Well that's good," Bucky says. "'Cause you're gonna be difficult to give up, Steve Rogers."

Steve laughs softly. "I got no plans to give you up either, Bucky Barnes." 

Bucky sighs and closes his eyes, wanting to hold on for just a little bit longer. "So what now?" he asks quietly.

"I'm not sure," Steve admits. "I've never really been in a relationship before." 

"Well you're not alone," Bucky says lightly. "You must have had some action since you came out of the ice?"

Steve laughs. "Besides a horribly awkward date and Nat kissing me to keep us from being discovered by Hydra? Not really." 

Bucky pulls back to grin at Steve. " _Nat_ kissed you?"

Steve groans. "We were on the run, about to get made, and she said that 'displays of affection make people uncomfortable,'" he grumbles. 

Bucky laughs delightedly. "Yeah, I bet it made you _real_ uncomfortable."

"She was my best friend, and I'd never thought about her that way!" Steve says. "Of course it made me uncomfortable." 

"You telling me it didn't get you even a little hot under the collar?"

Steve flushes. "I was 95, not dead," he mutters. 

Bucky laughs again, softer this time, his gaze tender. "God, I love you."

Steve's breath catches, and then he's grinning. "I love you, too," he informs Bucky, still grinning like the lovesick idiot he is. 

* * *

It's a bit awkward, the first night that Bucky returns to Steve's room; they'd talked about it, and while Bucky kept his room for space whenever he wants or needs it, Bucky decides he'd rather sleep in Steve's room. The air mattress was long gone, and things had been tense until Steve made a crack about Bucky having cold fingers, instead of Steve having cold toes, and then they'd both dissolved into helpless laughter, awed at the situation they found themselves in - _If only teenage me could see this,_ Steve finds himself thinking that night as he lays on his bed with Bucky curled up in his arms, the both of them clinging to each other. 

It takes a while for them to fall back into the rhythm they'd had before, though this time there is a marked increase in the physical contact; Steve loves it, even though they keep their most affectionate touches for the more private setting of Steve's room during the time they spend curled up together on Steve's bed. They touch each other hesitantly, but nothing more, and honestly Steve doesn't mind. He's waited long enough for just these simple touches, and he'd never thought he'd get even those. 

A few weeks after they finally cleared the air, Steve and Bucky return from a vigorous sparring session and collapse onto the couch of the living room; Bucky was finally cleared to join Steve on missions a week ago, and they've been busy training ever since. The two drop into a doze, and Steve ends up sprawled over Bucky by the time Sam, Natasha, and a visiting Clint end up in the living room. "Damn, that's adorable," Clint says, loudly enough to rouse the dozing soldiers. "And it's about time; Cap's pining was getting ridiculous." 

Bucky wakes with a start, and it takes half a second for him to register the compromising position they're in before he's shoving Steve away from himself and onto the floor. "Fuck!"

Steve yelps when his head bangs against the coffee table on the way down, and then almost immediately shoves himself to his knees. "What - Oh." The abrupt disruption of their position makes sense when Steve sees their company - the three of them are all looking at the other two with expressions of shock. "Could've made a bit more noise," he says, rubbing absently at the sore spot on his head from the coffee table. 

"I'm so sorry," Bucky tells Steve, looking stricken, before he glances nervously over at the others. "I-- it's not what it--"

"What, so you two _didn't_ pull your heads out of your - _Oomph!_ " Clint doubles over, wheezing, when Natasha delivers an elbow to his solar plexus. 

"What Clint was trying to say," Natasha starts, giving the archer an unimpressed look, "was that even if it is what it looks like, we don't mind. We approve, actually." 

All of Bucky's breath leaves him in a soft _whoosh_. "You do?"

"Christ," Sam laughs. "Steve's been pining after you since before we were born. It's about time."

Steve grins, but it's sheepish. "And here I thought I was being subtle." 

"Man, you have _never_ been subtle about this guy."

Steve rolls his eyes while Natasha grins at him. "I'm happy for you two," she says in a rare show of sentimentality. 

Bucky looks rather touched by it. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Sam agrees, slapping Bucky on the back. "Good for you guys. I don't ever wanna see your ass."

Steve can't help but laugh at that. "So we're all good?" he asks, unable to hide the anxious note in his voice. 

"Of course!" Sam cries. "DADT was repealed for a reason, y'know? Because it was archaic bullshit."

Steve smiles. "Thanks," he says absolutely sincere. 

"No problem," Sam says, with an easy smile and a meaningful glance at the others. "Maybe we should leave these two lovebirds to it."

"Absolutely," Clint says with a grin, still sounding a bit winded. Natasha just nods, but as the three of them turn to leave, she gives them a fond look that Steve knows better than to comment on. 

Once they're gone, Steve turns back to Bucky. "You gonna let me back on the couch?" he asks, teasing. 

"Oh god," Bucky groans, reaching for Steve with both hands. "I'm so sorry."

Steve lets Bucky pull him up, grinning like an idiot. "It's fine," he says, resettling himself atop Bucky. "Just means I get to toss you off the couch next time." 

Bucky gets his arms around Steve, rubbing one hand up and down his back almost absentmindedly. "I just panicked," he says. "If we'd been caught like that back then--"

"I know," Steve says, because he does - he saw what happened to those couples, had heard the threats hurled his way often enough, that if they ever caught him looking their way... Steve wraps one arm around Bucky, the other one coming up to play with his hair, stroking through the soft strands. "I understand." 

Bucky closes his eyes, a soft smile playing about his lips. "I'm glad they're okay with it."

Steve's smile mirrors Bucky's. "Me, too - they didn't have a problem with me being bisexual, but it's one thing to hear it and another to actually see it. 

Bucky blinks. "You're what?"

"Bisexual," Steve repeats. "It means I'm sexually attracted to genders the same and different from my own." 

"Oh," Bucky says, intrigued. "Is that... common?"

"More than you'd think," Steve says with a slight smile. "A lot of people don't believe it's actually a thing, but there are a lot of people like me out there." 

"Wow," Bucky says. "I had no idea. But I guess it makes sense."

"Yeah?"

Bucky shrugs. "Some of the girls I went with used to like their roommates a lot more than they liked me, but sometimes they liked us both."

"Huh," Steve says thoughtfully. "Everyone had to be a lot more careful then, I suppose.”

"Not anymore," Bucky says, smiling.

"No," Steve agrees, smiling as he lets himself sink into Bucky's arms even more. "Not anymore." 

Bucky sighs softly and lets his hands settle on Steve's waist. "So," he says slowly. "I've been thinking about something."

"Don't hurt yourself," Steve teases, but it's soft and fond.

Bucky rolls his eyes. "I was _thinking_ ," he goes on, "that I really want to kiss you."

Steve's head jerks up so fast he gives himself whiplash. "You - really?"

Bucky blanches. "I-- maybe?" he says. "Unless that's not something you want."

"Not something I - do you have any idea how many times I had to stop myself from kissing you in the winter in Brooklyn?" Steve demands, pushing himself onto one elbow. "Every time the heating wasn't enough and we had to share a bed, there you were the next morning, leaning over me and threatening to stick a wet finger in my ear if I didn't wake up, and it was all I could do not to yank you down and kiss you senseless. I thought you'd kick me out, though, or maybe just leave, so I never did but - " Steve blows out a breath. "Kissing you has been something I haven't let myself really think about since I broke you out of that Hydra base," he says quietly. "We were at war, and then I woke up alone in the new century. But if you want it, then I have absolutely no objections now."

"Oh, I want it," Bucky promises, his smile returning.

Steve's own smile grows, and he shifts so that he's crouched over Bucky, their faces only inches apart. "Come and get it, then." 

It's all the invitation Bucky needs to tilt his face up, and then his breath catches in his throat as his mouth brushes against Steve's.

It's a soft kiss, but it sends Steve's heart racing nonetheless. When Bucky pulls back, Steve grins down at him. "That all you got?" he asks, teasing.

"Bite me, Rogers," Bucky growls, fisting his right hand in Steve's hair and pulling him into a fierce kiss.

Steve obliges, nipping at Bucky's lower lip before he all but throws himself into the kiss - and that's only because he's already laying on top of the other man. He's imagined this countless times, always tinged with a hint of guilt, even in the new century, but this... This is nothing like Steve could have imagined, and it is so much better.

It's been decades since Bucky last kissed someone like this, but Steve doesn't seem to be complaining, and in any case they're both learning fast what the other likes and how to give it to them. Bucky deepens the kiss with a soft moan, holding Steve close with his left hand firm on the small of Steve's back and even going so far as to hitch a leg up against his waist. When they break apart, it's only to pull in a few gasps of air before they're kissing again.

* * *

Bucky hasn't been this tired in weeks. He's been sleeping a lot better now that he and Steve are together, the occasional nightmare aside, but it's kind of hard to get a peaceful night's sleep when you're getting your ass kicked by a couple of rogue Chitauri. They've had worse, make no mistake, but it's the first time Bucky's been out in the field since the Avengers agreed to let him fight with them and it wasn't easy. Steve had his back the whole time though, and it felt good to have Steve's in return; feels even better to be making it back in one piece, as sore and exhausted as he is.

Wanda and Vision greet them as soon as they get inside the compound, and for once Bucky doesn't think twice about wrapping his good arm around Steve's waist and pulling him in for a soft kiss before releasing him and pushing him towards their friends. "Go get something to eat," he says, voice rough. "I gotta get this checked out."

Steve smiles into the kiss, nodding once they've pulled apart. "I'll grab a shower; Tony probably won't let you go for a while." Bucky's arm had started acting up in the last day or two of the mission, though thankfully not enough to put either of them in real danger. 

"M'kay," Bucky mumbles, his eyes not even half open. "Love you." He raises his right hand in acknowledgement of the girls and then turns to head down into Tony's lab.

Tony's expecting Bucky, so he already has all of the gear they'll need set up and he motions the other man over as soon as the latter walks in the door. "I know you're still not fond of this, so I'll make it as quick as I can," he promises. 

"Thanks," Bucky says as he sits down. He tenses up as soon as Tony starts fiddling, but he feels okay. "It took a pretty bad hit from one of those things a couple days back. Been playin' up ever since."

"How so?" Tony asks, sliding open one of the plates so he can get a better look at the internal wiring. 

"Mobility's been an issue," Bucky tells him. "Won't do the shit I tell it to."

Tony hums thoughtfully, working his way from Bucky's elbow up to his shoulder; about halfway up he makes a triumphant noise. "Ha! Found it; the relay here got busted, but there's still some pieces connected so it's occasionally responding. Hang on, I've got a spare here somewhere." 

"The top right drawer to your left, sir," FRIDAY informs Tony helpfully. 

"Thank you." Tony digs out the required relay, dragging his tools closer. "Okay, I'm going to shut off the sensory feedback because I have to yank some pieces around. Don't want you getting shocked or anything and trashing my lab." 

Bucky manages a small smile. "Heaven forbid."

Tony beams at him, and then gets to work. They're quiet for a long time, the only sounds that of Tony working on Bucky's arm, but eventually Tony breaks the silence. "So," he says, voice just a touch too quiet for the following words to be anything but serious. "I think I owe you an apology." 

Bucky goes very still, turns his head slightly towards Tony though he doesn't meet his gaze. "I don't know that you do," he says carefully. "But I definitely owe you one."

Tony shakes his head. "No, you don't," he says. "I was furious at Hydra, at the Winter Soldier, and I took that out on you. I'm not apologizing for freaking when I found that you - that the Winter Soldier - killed my mom, but I shouldn't have tried to beat the shit out of you." This is one of the few times Tony has ever been completely and utterly serious while apologizing, and he really hopes that Bucky will just accept the apology and let them move on; he means the bit about regretting trying to beat Bucky's face in, but he still feels that his initial reaction to the news was justified - shock, horror, revulsion. 

Bucky takes a moment to weigh Tony's words, and then he nods. "Okay," he says, a little awkward. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Tony says, putting the finishing touches on the new relay before sitting back. "Okay, now that the awkward apology is out of the way, try that." 

Bucky lifts his arm up and down, clenches his fist, wiggles his fingers. "Perfect."

Tony nods, satisfied with what he's seeing in the internal workings. "Good. I've got an upgrade in the works, something closer to one of my suits with some emergency weapons, but it'll be a while before I'll be finished with that, so this will have to do." 

Bucky gives Tony a sharp look. "You sure you want to give me _extra_ weapons?"

Tony rolls his eyes, re-organizing his tool table. He thinks alphabetical will be a good system this time. "It's an emergency weapon - because let's face it, you're good, but it's never a bad idea to have a backup. 'Sides, you haven't tried to kill any of us since you got here, and you _were_ accepted onto the team. Gotta hold up your end of the whole 'teamwork' deal. I'm thinking something like Natasha's little biters, in the palm of your hand." 

Bucky nods, looking thoughtful. "I could live with that."

"Give you an edge in hand-to-hand, too," Tony adds. "Now shoo - your arm is fine now, and I have work to do." 

Bucky laughs as he gets to his feet. "All right," he says. "Thanks again."

Tony waves a hand dismissively. "Just make sure Cap comes back safe and sound, and don't abuse my tech." 

Bucky's already halfway through the door, but he throws his metal arm out behind himself to give Tony the finger. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Tony's laughter follows him the rest of the way out. 

* * *

The next night finds the entire team in the compound for once, and an impromptu movie night is arranged. "Come on," Steve says, laughing as he carefully carries the bowl of popcorn that he and Bucky will share. "Before they take all the good seats." 

"What are we even watching?" Bucky asks, stealing a few kernels as they walk.

"I have no idea," Steve admits, grinning. 

"We are having a _Twilight_ marathon," Tony announces as they walk into living room.

Bucky looks at Steve, shrugs. "That means nothing to me."

Tony cackles and even Natasha looks amused. "You are in for a treat," Tony promises. "C'mon, sit your super-asses down." 

Bucky glares but does as he's told, pulling Steve down to sit next to him. "Have you seen it?" he asks around another mouthful of popcorn.

Steve goes willingly, tucking one arm around Bucky and pulling the other man close so that they're pressed together. "Nope," he says. "I think it has something to do with the supernatural, though." 

"Vampires," Natasha offers, and Bucky lights up.

"I like vampires."

Steve doesn't much like the snickers that go through the room, and has to resist the urge to pull out his phone and Google the series. 

In hindsight, he probably should have given in to that urge. 

"Pale-white and ice-cold? You're not a vampire, you're anemic!" Steve says disbelievingly, mouth hanging open as he stares at the screen. "I should know!" 

"They sparkle," Bucky says ten minutes later, faintly and like he's not sure if he's going to cry. "Like _diamonds_."

"What the _fuck,_ " Steve says helplessly. 

"Language," Tony laughs. 

"This is horrible," Bucky says, turning to fix Tony and the others with a bewildered stare. "Who came up with this shit?"

"A very misguided woman with minimal talent," Sam says, shaking his head with an amused grin. "Next time, we're introducing Bucky to _Harry Potter._ " 

"I don't trust any of you now," Bucky grumbles.

Steve, who'd perked up when Sam mentioned _Harry Potter,_ gives Bucky a squeeze. "I've seen those movies," he says. "Actually I've only seen the first three. But those were really good." 

Bucky doesn't look convinced, but he relaxes into Steve a little more. "All right," he says. "I'll give it a shot."

"But first, you haven't lived in this century till you've made fun of _Twilight,_ trust me," Tony says. "We'll do the wizarding thing next time." 

Bucky cracks a smile. "As long as you all know that it sucks."

"That's what makes it so fun to watch," Pietro says, laughing. 

Bucky nods. "I guess I can handle that."

Wanda leans forward to flash him a smirk. "Wait until you see the sequels," she says.

Bucky groans.

The sequels are just as bad as the first one, as promised, and by the time the team splits up for bed, Steve's throat is sore from yelling so much. "Oh my God," he mutters, stripping out of his clothes and getting ready for bed. "How do people come up with these ideas?" 

"I Googled it halfway through," Bucky admits, pulling his t-shirt over his head. "Apparently she had a dream that spawned the whole series."

"A dream?" Steve asks, incredulous. "The hell kind of dream was it?" 

"That scene, y'know." Bucky locks his jaw and rasps, " _My own personal brand of heroin_."

Steve shakes his head. "That scene didn't make any sense," he sighs. "I don't know how it ever got so popular." 

"Let's not think about it," Bucky laughs, stepping out of his jeans so he can walk over to Steve and take his hands. "I think we can find more interesting ways to occupy ourselves."

"Oh yeah?" Steve asks, grinning as he lets Bucky take his hands. 

Bucky smirks, soft but no less dirty for it, and pulls Steve into a kiss. "I think so."

* * *

Things continue for another month or so; Steve and Bucky continue to explore their relationship and everything it entails, and the team continues to work together. Including when they find out just what anyone who goes against the Accords will face. They're all furious, even Tony, and it's not long before the whole team shows up to meet with the panel in charge of enforcing the Accords. Everyone stands behind Steve and Tony as Steve explains, in the most pleasant manner that he can, that the whole team does not agree with this, that they would not have agreed to that if they had had more than _three days_ to review the Accords before they were ratified, and if things don't change, the Avengers will break away from the Accords, and good luck finding replacements and imprisoning the entire team.

Unsurprisingly, the Accords are swiftly amended.

Another month after that, and Doom has decided to make another attempt at taking over the world. The whole team is deployed, because he's been busy since the attack that landed Steve in the hospital, and has expanded his fleet of robots exponentially. It's a normal enough fight in the beginning; Steve, Thor(visiting from Asgard), the Hulk(Banner was in the area), and Wanda are dealing with the main force of the robots; Tony and Pietro are running perimeter, with Clint and Bucky sitting on different rooftops and picking off the robots one by one. Sam and Natasha are working on evacuation, and everything seems to be going their way.

Then Doom sends out the rigged 'bots. They're laden with explosives, though they look almost exactly like the regular 'bots. Close enough that Steve doesn't realize that one is next to him while taking out a pair that had managed to make their way inside a bank, and it blows almost right next to him. It's only thanks to his enhanced reflexes that he manages to get his shield up in time to deflect the worst of the blast, but he's still thrown through several walls.

"Steve!" Bucky roars, because of course he's on the roof of the building across the street, refused to be stationed anywhere else, and he hadn't noticed the rigged 'bot either. He can't see anything for the dust, or hear anything for the ringing in his ears and the faint buzzing that probably means Steve's comm is down - but it's immediately obvious that the bank has been obliterated, along with everything, and everyone, inside. " _Steve!_ "

There's nothing but silence in the immediate vicinity, punctuated by the sounds of fighting nearby and rubble settling. Tony flies in, hoping to get a read on any potential vital signs, but curses. "There's too much dust and rubble," he reports. "My sensors can't cut through it." He makes a note to work on that when they get back to the compound - if they do.

"I'm going down there," Bucky says, grabbing his rifle and backing up, trying to judge the distance between his building and the one to the left, which has a lower roof.

"Bucky - " Natasha's voice is drowned out by a louder crackle, and then feedback loud enough to make almost-deaf Clint wince. " - n't!"

"I'm not leaving him!" Bucky snaps. "Alive or dead, I can't leave him!"

There's more crackling, interspersed with what sounds like half-formed curses, and then, " - n't move, I - eed Hulk - mo - rubble."

Bucky growls with frustration, but stays put for now. "Then get on with it, for fuck's sake."

The Hulk is on the rubble quickly, moving the larger pieces out of the way and working his way towards where Steve is buried. After a few tense moments, Steve is revealed, crouched under his shield, which had been all that was keeping the rubble from crushing him. "About time," he says, coughing slightly from the dust. "We need to get the 'bots under control." 

"Already on it, Cap; found the control center, just need a nice EMP blast to take 'em out."

"Do it," Steve says, bracing himself on his knees as Tony takes off. Two minutes later, the Doombots drop like flies, and the whole team breathes a sigh of relief. "Buck?" Steve says, taking the new comm Natasha hands him. 

_"Steve_ ," Bucky rasps, and he has absolutely no shame about the fact that as soon as Steve comes into view, he drops to his knees at the edge of the roof. "I thought--"

"I know," Steve says with a wry grin. "You're not getting rid of me that easily." 

Bucky's laugh is a little shrill, a little desperate. "Good," he says, for once heedless of the others undoubtedly listening in. "'Cause I love you."

Steve laughs. "I love you, too. Now let's go home." 

Bucky's vaguely relieved that no one's around to see how soft his smile goes then, how awed. _Home._ He likes the sound of that.


End file.
